1. My butterfly has passed on. This before I was able to snap a picture. I suppose I could snap a picture of his corpse and post it still.


2. The last several nights in a row I've had nightmares all night long. I meant to post about them all, but I don't think I can right now (see item 4). At least some of them involved seeing a bear attack and maul people I know, and being pushed around by several dirty cops, led by Ian McKellen who, for whatever reason, was the chief of police (and a dirty bastard at that).


3. For the first time in my life, I had a knife pulled on me. So much excitement. I'll post about it later; if I don't, remind me.


4. I'm sick. Caught a goddamned cold, from my goddamned roommate. I planned not to be sick, but man, I went and screwed that up. So now I'm all busy feeling sorry for myself and stuff. Oh, woe is me, I have work in the morning. Oh, woe is me, I have school all the time. Oh, woe is me, I have so much homework to do. Oh, woe is me, I've no one to take care of me, and I'm in no shape to take care of myself. Woe, woe, woe. I might just cry myself a river.

More (and more sensical) updates to come, when I am less under the weather.

I HAVE A BUTTERFLY!!! It's a boy -- I've discovered this from the wing pattern. HE HATCHED! Isn't that super-awesome?!

Pictures soon to come. I would take them now, except my roommate isn't here, and I don't know where he's put his camera.

Butterfly butterfly butterfly! My first baby butterfly! I've never hatched a butterfly before; I'm so very, very proud. I'm going to be such a good mommy. I just fed him and put him into a bigger container. I am going to let him free, but I'm going to wait until daytime. Right now it's dark, rainy, and cold. Not the ideal environment in which to send off your first child to fend for themself.

BUTTERFLY!

I'm so, so excited!

Pictures soon, both of he in his cocoon, and of he now, wings and all. Promise.

I'm feeling much better this morning. Christa got in last night; it's nice to have her around again. Good times with the roommates.

---

So anyway, I'm working again now. Yesterday was my first full day.

Had I mentioned that my last contract ended because MS wanted to outsource the work I was doing to India?

Ironically, my new contract is through an Indian company, but back again at MS. Full circle.

---

It's a small, small world -- it turns out that I'm in the same cube-farm as CRM Product Management. So strange seeing folks from the old team wandering around the hallways at work. I'm not sure I'll get used to that.

Being sick, working full time, and going to school all at once is a bit overwhelming. I wish I had someone to take care of me. I want someone to cook me soup and pour me orange juice and make my life all better.

I haven't been able to publish for two days, but blogger just sent me an email that seems to indicate publishing will work now. Here goes!

I just took the TIPP Learning Assessment for my massage school. I was inclined to dismiss the resulting profile as bunk, although some does seem to fit me (espeically within the "Areas to Develop" section). Following are some excerpts from its assessment of me -- if you feel like reading through them, let me know what you think.

. . .

INDIVIDUAL DESCRIPTION
In the playground of your mind, you learn through relationship and can see the relationships that exist between objects, concepts and people. Whether through instructors, work associates or more personal connections -- these relationships are key to how you learn best.

You are a people person. While some view the learning relationship as a component of their learning process, for you, it determines whether you learn. The relationship, and sometimes even the person(s) involved, acts as a guide - directing you on your learning journey - to a greater level of self-understanding and personal knowledge. Thus, mentors who encourage self-discovery are likely the instructors to whom you are most drawn.

You enjoy the act of communication almost as much as relationships themselves. Language, whether written or spoken, is used to develop deeper, clearer, more meaningful relationships - which in turn, help you to experience learning in a meaningful way. No doubt you have spent hours sharing your thoughts and feelings, opinions and attitudes and relationship perceptions with the "teachers" in your life. The time spent, while socially satisfying, provided you with an opportunity to implement the very language you love.

It should be noted that learning relationships are not exclusive to people. These meaningful connections can also include animals. Although odd to some, you may find that one (or more) of your most significant emotional relationships involves a beloved pet. Depending on your social circle or your introverted or extraverted preference, your pet might serve as a major learning relationship. Your language may not be the same, however, given your gift for creative communication, any existing language barriers are likely broken down.

Typically, your performance in traditional learning arenas (school, classrooms, etc.) is directly related to the subject matter and the facilitator. A preference for the humanities (behavioral sciences, language, literature, philosophy, etc.) accentuates your social interest. However, when the instructor is not relationally oriented and doesn't provide learning activities or offer individualized support, the material becomes much less engaging -- once again emphasizing the value of the learning relationship.

Your ability to grasp theory is high. This has to do with your natural inclination to approach things in a relational way. In fact, one of your greatest strengths is the ability to analyze and articulate general themes and patterns in communication and social behaviors. To share your discoveries with others is your personal pleasure and one of the many ways you contribute to the lives of those around.

Although there is a traditional quality to your learning process, your need for personal enrichment freedom over shadows most of your conventional perspectives. The ultimate search for meaning, is likely one of your objectives, both in life and in learning. Thus, you may view traditional attitudes as a limit to your learning success. However, when structured as an opportunity for self-discovery and the freedom to experiment, even more formal learning activities are appreciated.

Finally, you learn by gathering information through your five senses. Although you are drawn to "the metaphor" or may search for the deeper meaning of someone's behaviors, your initial introduction to any learning material should be by sight. You take in material best through our eyes. You need to see what is asked of you. You need to see and/or read the directions. Reinforcing what you have seen through experiential learning opportunities helps you to internalize the information even more.

. . .

AREAS TO DEVELOP
Although your people-orientation and ability to communicate are great strengths, focusing on them alone can limit your learning experience. For example, words without action can result in simply talking about doing something, but never really following through. While learning about a particular subject, you could find that you'd rather share your thoughts and feelings about the topic instead to studying it in depth or developing the skills necessary to implement it fully. Certainly the learning process is valuable overall. But don't forget, the result of most learning experiences includes both process and product - the combination of which demonstrates personal growth and discernable learning success.

Given the significance of the learning relationship, you might have a tendency to obsess on or romanticize those with whom you're connecting. Once you encounter a relationship that invites the process of meaningful self-discovery, you never forget it. In fact, it is often hard to relinquish when the time comes to do so. Being mindful of that, we encourage you to remember that every relationship has a beginning and an end. It has an ultimate purpose. When you realize the purpose of each relationship, the need to hold on becomes less intense. Thus, the learning process remains about you and your ability to learn -- instead of focused on the other person or the relationship that's shared.

Last but not least - remember your playful learning quality. Learning through play is important and can be extremely valuable. It can help you live more in the present and celebrate the temporary. Consider this scenario the next time something big is required of you: Your editor calls you with a hundred revisions to your latest draft. Instead of stewing over the criticism or simply the work that is required, head for your nearest playground. Hop on a swing and feel your stomach do somersaults and the wind on your face. When you're done, keep that sensual memory handy for when you begin writing. Getting back in your body can help you get out of your head. Besides, your heart writes all the true stories.

. . .

As I've been finishing up my move and sorting through contents of boxes that haven't seen the light of day for 10 years, I've come across some old poetry. I'm going to post it, here and there. Be warned that some of it is a little dark.

---

desperate consumption of
salt water sex
trying to satiate an
all-consuming thirst.
loneliness,
empty.
my lips crack painfully
hard tanned leather

. (I fall back to frightened child
. trying to hold at bay
. phalic games, talk
. limbs of a too big alien culture
. But my hands are too small
. pebbles swept away by the flood
. A man-driven storm
. ravages my small ragdoll
. limp beaten form)

must pump harder
faster
engage the thrill
what once devastated
will surely be my salvation
drink more
yet the thirst grows

. (Broken, sobbing
. he has poured my cup out
. Puddle on the floor
. ever pooling out of reach)

salt eating away
dry chapped empty hole consuming

by Kathryn Krueger, written in April of 2000.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

My caterpillar is pupating! How awesome is that? I snapped a few pictures and will post one sometime soon. Try to contain yourself until then, okay?

Yesterday I was eating some fresh broccoli when, lo and behold, I noticed a caterpillar nestled under the florets! He looks like this:



I named him Moses, for although he was not found hiding away in a basket amongst the river weeds, he was found hiding away amongst my broccoli florets, and I set him up in a glass on my table. Inside the glass I put his bit of broccoli, a branch and some leaves from a neighborhood tree, and several drops of water. I covered the top with saranwrap, and punched a number of holes in the wrap to allow him oxygen and airflow.

Moses was slow and lethargic when we first discovered him, but has become much more active. I suppose he was cold, living in my crisper drawer, and is much happier now that he has warmed up.

When I sat down to eat my breakfast this morning, I peeked into his new abode and noticed a mass of yellow-green balls piled at the bottom of the glass. Eggs? Perhaps there will be many Moses Juniors in a short time!

Chris and I think he is an Imported Cabbageworm, the species shown in the picture above. I'm hoping that he will pupate here in our kitchen. He would be the first butterfly I've ever raised.

So much drama and intruigue in my job world lately; moreso than the last time! Riding on past experiences, I'm a little hesitant to post much about it until I make this site a little secure.

Ask me sometime in person, though, and I'll share a few good stories.

Or maybe I'll get my butt in gear with this site sometime soon. Wouldn't that beat all.

Busy, busy, busy.

So I have no job now, and we have internet access in the apartment, but I've been super-busy lately. Funny how that works -- the more time I think I'll have, the busier I seem to get. Maybe I'm more liberal about trying to fit things into my schedule right now, since I imagine that I'll have all the time in the world -- if I thought I had less time, I'd schedule less and attempt to do less, and would end up having more free time in the balance.

Do you find yourself out on too many intollerable dates? Can't say no, but can't endure the thought of seeing the whole thing through? Cingular and Virgin Mobile now offer "rescue calls" as part of their cell-phone service -- arrange to have them call you up at a pre-ordained time, and a recorded message will walk you through an excuse to get you out of any situation. That's right! Rather than fighting your passive-aggressive urges, you can wallow in them, with your cell phone provider coddling you all the way.

At the Westlake dance this afternoon, a pigeon was all in a panic because it had gotten some twine caught up around its foot, and a large stick also attached to the twine.

Several dancers and onlookers somehow caught the pigeon, subdued it, and made a quick and efficient operation out of removing the stick and twine. It couldn't be undone just by hand, but someone had nail clippers so they were able to cut the string apart. The pigeon's foot was a little bent and bloodied up, but they were able to remove the twine without futher injury. They then freed the bird, which promptly flew away.

It was so nice to see people actively grouping together to help an animal like that! Too often it seems people are inclined in such a situation to ignore the creature, or worse, to hurt it or compound its misery somehow. Very refreshing to see them all bonding together to help out and make the bird's situation better.

Yesterday morning, I tried to hit google several times, only to hit a server error page.

This was actually quite distressing for me. I hadn't realized that I was so dependent on google; apparently, as far as my internet habits are concerned, google is the backbone of the net. Without it, I am lost.

Where was google?

Why could I not search?

The mystery is solved:

July 27, 2004 -- (WEB HOST INDUSTRY REVIEW) -- In an event that severely hampered the performance of Google's search engine, the Google (google.com) Web site was hit by the MyDoom virus on Monday, seriously disrupting service for several hours. Users who attempted searches during the disruption received a server error page.

It also affected Lycos, Yahoo, and Alta Vista, although I didn't personally note those disruptions.

A german clothes manufacturer is soon to release a coat that contains a built in MP3 player controlled by buttons on the sleeve and a hands-free cellphone microphone tucked into the collar. Maybe it's just me, but that seems almost sad.

Crazy - it's no longer just in tech that we can get outsourced.

"Do not induce vomiting, as it will NOT prevent food poisoning. Bacteria and other microscopic organisms cause food poisoning. There is no way that vomiting will remove every bad organism in the stomach. Food poisoning can still occur even if vomiting was induced. Unfortunately, there is no way to prevent food poisoning once bad food has been eaten. That is why prevention is the key."

Apparently I just shouldn't eat bad food to begin with. Interesting.

Good thing the thai food this afternoon wasn't too bad. Mike made me really hungry with stories of amazing breakfasts. Then I remembered that I had some left-over thai food in the fridge at work! I don't remember how old, maybe a week or two - but I was hungry, and it was there!

The phad thai tasted a little funny (and possibly looked a little funny), so after a taste or two I tossed it all out. The curry and rice seemed okay, though, so I put them on a different plate and finished them off. Yum.

Now I've been reading about food poisoning, just in case. I don't know how long it would take to tell if what I did was a bad thing and I'm about to die, but I think if I'm okay now, well - I'm probably okay.

Adam says that the good news is I can easily travel to the third world without fear.

It's like I'm practicing, yeah? Building up a tollerance. Good for me! So brave. So fearless. So able-to-eat-questionable-things. I know you're jealous.

Bruce Springstein's I'm on Fire is awesome stuff. Gives me the shivers. Wish I could write music that speaks to people like that song speaks to me.

---

So I might start blogging more again sometime soon.

Granted, I did give away my main PC. It was a nice machine, but my baby sister is going off to college and she'll put it to much better use than I had been. Also, I must get rid of things if I am ever to travel the world.

Must... let... go of... material... posessions......

I also gave away the trusty Aptiva Pentium 233 that saw me through all of college. Found some non-profit that was interested in taking it off my hands. ShareTechnology.org is awesome -- it's a donation database that connects people with old computer equipment with recipients who can put it to use. Kudos to them.

I still have Shibani, my 486 laptop, though! Not sure anyone would want her even were I inclined to give her away.

Poor Shibani is mess at the moment, but plans are to outfit her again with a fresh installation of Win 3.11, and then perhaps I can hook her up through Chris's little network in our new place.

Alternatively, I also have permission to borrow his computer when he is out or is not using it.

Also, Company-Whatever-Acronym-I-Decided-To-Use-That-I've-Long-Since-Forgotten is outsourcing the work I have been doing to India sometime soon, and I'm not sure yet what I'll be doing after that. So I may have a bit of extra time on my hands for a while, as well.

Time will tell. I do miss the little blog, though. So does Steve. And even if you're the only one who reads it, Stevey-poo, I should be faithful and good to my admiring public. Yo.

Wouldn't it be awesome to live and work in Antarctica? It's on my list now.