My life is not my own. I feel that way sometimes, anyhow.

Yesterday, after ultimate, my team went out for drinks. I couldn't go because I had people at home waiting for me. I am rarely able to do spur-of-the-moment things like that because there's nearly always someone waiting for my time. Four or five times this season my team went out after the game, and I wasn't able to go with them any one of those times.

I'm hardly ever bored. It's a night far and few between that I have no plans, nobody expecting anything of me, no time already slotted awayy. There's always someone expecting me or something that needs doing, constantly go go go.

I remember reading a summary of some book a while back that claimed that urban dwellers today have built up new "family" structures. Rather than the typical mother-father-children construct that we've been brought up with, these urbanites compose family units made up of friends and peers who provide the same sort of close network and support that traditional families used to provide.

I think I fit into that sort of construct these days. I'm far away from most of my family, but I have "family" all around me. And in some ways, this family is more demanding of me than my biological family ever was. They expect time, support, whatnot from me, and to give them anything less than that would be letting them down.

I don't know how to keep time enough for me in all this. I feel drained more often than I would like.

Today, for a change, I shooed everyone off for a few hours, and took a little bit of time for myself. It was nice.

To my "family" out there reading this, by the way, this is not to say that I don't love you and that I don't value your time. I do. Tremendously. You make my life something more than it is on its own, and you add great value. I'm still struggling, though, to find a balance wherein I maintain a healthy individuality.