Mr_X0 just talked at me for an hour and 10 minutes. He expounded on all his views about the government, employment, outsourcing, social security, the European Union, the impending collapse of our country and economy due to our allowing corporations to run wild and walk all over employees...

I say "talked at" because I could hardly get a word in edgewise.

I didn't get any work done, but it's been pretty slow this week and I could afford the time without a problem. It was actually entertaining, I guess. I find the guy more and more tollerable as time passes on. The whole work-being-pretty-easy-and-non-stressfull-these-days thing helps, I'm sure.

I have a heckler. They wrote the following comment in response to some obscure post from a while back:

it is hard to move on, even when somebody makes you upset by not taking into account how other people feel. Like you yourself said, you shouldn't do things that people will probably take issue with. You do something without considering that other people might get upset, then you blame the person when they do get upset.

All this time, I thought you meant me! What else would I have thought? It was the time frame we knew each other in. But when you have pix of another friend with the same name (I really thought you meant me - you sent me the link several months ago) then someone will get upset. And you blamed me for the break up of you know what. U have to learn to be discreet. Everybody needs to feel special. The site is publically searchable via google and yahoo very easily. This is not a VPN.

Alright, whoever you are:

I do not know who you are. I have my doubts that you even know me. "All this time, I thought you meant me"? I don't know what you're talking about.

I am aware that this site is searchable, and I am fine with that. Everyone that I really know well and care about is aware of this blog and has been given the choice to read it or not. Not all of them do, but they have the choice.

I have also purposefully included identifying information with many of my posts so that people who have known me might be able to find me, should they take an inkling to do so. This was intentional.

Right.

Anyway, carry on.

From Monday's edition of the Seattle Times in an article entitled Tribes becoming political players with casino cash:

. . .Hoglund said he supports legislation to ease gambling rules off reservations because he believes tribes have got too much money and, as a result, too much power in state politics.

"It's going to play a very important and severe impact on politics in our state," he said. "Money will bring influence and ... sadly, politics has been sort of a big-money game."

That's great. I mean, if it's a big-money game, we might as well leave it in the hands of those who have always had money, and make sure nobody else can ever get enough to be a contender.

Bah.

Really, I think it's great that some minority groups are finally building up clout enough to play the whole "big money politics game". I'd like to see more minority and special interest groups able to step up the plate. Even more so, I'd like to see it become less of a "big money" game, but I don't realistically see that happening any time soon.

Today on the bus, some guy sitting across from me was reading email or text messages or something on his phone. At one point, he read something and his face just lit up. He looked so happy, and it made me happy. I don't think he was even aware that his emotions were showing, but it touched me.

I was walking home just now and some old asian guy driving an SUV almost ran me over. He was making a left turn. I was crossing in the crosswalk of the street he was turning onto -- I had the right of way -- and he only avoided hitting me because I threw myself forward and out of his path. His stupid SUV grazed my backpack as he flew by and I don't think he saw me even then.

Yes, it was dark and rainy, but jeesh, that's no excuse. PAY ATTENTION WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING.

Why do I sleep so much lately? I got 12 hours of sleep last night, 8 hours the night before, and 10-11 hours the night before that. I love sleep, but man... there's so much less time in the day when you sleep so much. I meant to go dancing last night but oops!, I was asleep.

Got my vitals taken this morning as part of a study I'm participating in. Blood pressure, as always, is low: 112/68. Weight at 135 lbs is within a healthy range, but it's skimming the top of that range and I could probably stand to drop about 5 lbs. I should maybe go a little easier on the Thai curries, much as I love them. Not pregnant, although that is no surprise as it is difficult to get with child outside of sexual intercourse or purposeful artificial insemination.

Next week I have a full-blown physical exam scheduled. Joy! I've been a little lax lately and this will be the first in two or three years. There shouldn't be any surprises there, but we'll see.

My life is not my own. I feel that way sometimes, anyhow.

Yesterday, after ultimate, my team went out for drinks. I couldn't go because I had people at home waiting for me. I am rarely able to do spur-of-the-moment things like that because there's nearly always someone waiting for my time. Four or five times this season my team went out after the game, and I wasn't able to go with them any one of those times.

I'm hardly ever bored. It's a night far and few between that I have no plans, nobody expecting anything of me, no time already slotted awayy. There's always someone expecting me or something that needs doing, constantly go go go.

I remember reading a summary of some book a while back that claimed that urban dwellers today have built up new "family" structures. Rather than the typical mother-father-children construct that we've been brought up with, these urbanites compose family units made up of friends and peers who provide the same sort of close network and support that traditional families used to provide.

I think I fit into that sort of construct these days. I'm far away from most of my family, but I have "family" all around me. And in some ways, this family is more demanding of me than my biological family ever was. They expect time, support, whatnot from me, and to give them anything less than that would be letting them down.

I don't know how to keep time enough for me in all this. I feel drained more often than I would like.

Today, for a change, I shooed everyone off for a few hours, and took a little bit of time for myself. It was nice.

To my "family" out there reading this, by the way, this is not to say that I don't love you and that I don't value your time. I do. Tremendously. You make my life something more than it is on its own, and you add great value. I'm still struggling, though, to find a balance wherein I maintain a healthy individuality.

Wow, there's another Kathryn who has been reading and commenting on my blog like mad. Cool beans.

I took yesterday off work. Nice, very nice.

And I cleaned my apartment! My bathroom feels like it belongs to someone else, it is so clean and sanitary. And the rest of my pad isn't quite there, but almost... feels good. Homey. I like being here.

And now my friend Alex from highschool is visiting for the weekend. Kickass.

Programming Genius or Serial Killer - can you tell which?

I have infected Mr_X0.

I feel like I weigh about 468 lbs. My whole body hurts, and my limbs feel so, so heavy.

I am trying to hold myself to a policy of no self-indulgence while I get over this stupid cold. I won't medicate myself (with the exception of consuming lots of tea and chicken soup), I'll go to work, and will do all the things I normally do. I'll act as if I am well and will then be well.

Only, at work today, I was feeling so poorly that I had to leave early. Then tonight I tried to go to an SSC board meeting and to my Tango class, only in Tango I got really lightheaded and almost passed out and at the board meeting I was felt overly feverish and had a really hard time concentrating.

I hate being sick.

The Fable

Once upon a time there lived a girl. She slept in a lovely little cottage made of gingerbread and candy; she was always asleep. One morning she woke up and the candy had mold on it. Her father blew her a kiss and the house fell down. She realized she was lost. She found herself walking down a crowded street, but the people were made of paper, like paper dolls. She blew everyone a kiss goodbye and watched as they blew away.


haiku for him

he peels off my clothes
like a starving man would peel an orange
his lips taste my juicy sweetness
my legs tangle with his
we become
one being
a burning furnace
in the cold cement basement of love

- Submissions for "The Lit" on My so-called Life, Episode 06: The Substitute.

HAHAH HAHAH!-ahHA ha hah ah ahg heahahaHAHAha. ha. ha.

Check it out: the software process in actuality.

Where do snot and mucus come from? Why is there all of a sudden so much more when one is sick?

And when you get all stuffed up, why is one nostril invariably more stuffed up than the other? Isn't there ample snot to go around?

and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

(excerpt from Sarah McLachlan's Do What You Have To Do)

I almost never have insomnia problems. If anything, I have trouble keeping awake, not sleeping too much -- I'd happily sleep 12-16 hours/night if I could.

I really don't envy those of you who struggle with insomnia on a daily basis. It sucks. Almost as bad as this stupid ass cold, but nothing could suck quite that bad. Except a hoover. Or maybe a turbine, or a funnel-shaped vortex.

Woke up,
couldn't sleep
stupid cold
plugged up nose
lack of air
lack of breathing
so here I am
drinking menthol-laden tea
writing this.