I'm not strong. I hate ending things. I hate letting things end. I told myself that I wasn't going to call him, that every time I open up or put myself out for him, he lashes out and hurts me, and that I can't keep letting that happen. I told myself that he has to make the first move this time if we're going to make up and fix things. I'm still telling myself that, but I'm not sure I'm going to hold out.

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
if'n you don't know by now
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, baby
it don't matter anyhow
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn
look out your window, and I'll be gone
you're the reason I'm travelling on
and don't think twice it's alright

It ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
It's a light I never knowed
It ain't no use in turning on your light, baby -
I'm on the dark side of the road
I wish there were something you could do or say
to try and make me change my mind and stay
we never did too much talking anyway
and don't think twice it's alright

Ain't no use in calling out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart; she wanted my soul
and don't think twice it's all right

I'm going down that long, lonesome road babe
where I'm going, I can't tell
goodbye is too good a word, babe
so I'll just say, "fare thee well."
I ain't saying you treated me unkind
I coulda done better but I don't mind
you just wasted my precious time
and don't think twice it's alright
don't think twice it's alright.

Mar just played a version of that tune done by the Indigo Girls with Joan Baez. I love the song, but had never heard that particular version. I liked it.

I wish I could be that. I wish I could walk away when I feel like it's time - I just never do. I start walking, but then I turn and look, and then I sit and wait and hope, and then I walk a little more, but walking backwards, and finally I switch my direction altogether and go back. I just can't say enough is enough. I wait until things dwindle and die on their own, instead of taking real action myself. Never anything more than half-action, until the situation has deteriorated enough that it forces an outcome.

Right now I'm sitting 20 feet down the road, all my things scattered about me, facing back towards Mike and hoping he notices. I feel like I should just get up and continue my journey away, but I don't want to. I want him to call out to me and bring me back to him.