Do you ever worry that you "test" people, maybe without even really meaning to?

I'm afraid that I do. I put them in difficult situations, situations they're really, really unhappy with, and expect them to wait it out to prove that they love me. And then when they don't, when they give up and walk away - somehow I blame them. They didn't love me enough. I didn't mean enough to them. It's like I expect everyone to walk away, to stop loving me - and if they don't do so initially, I'll change and tweak the situation until it's so bad that they do. I don't ever want them to, and I'm so sad and broken hearted when it actually happens, but somewhere deep down I am responsible for making it happen. It's what I expect, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There's never going to be a love so deep that someone will put up with any shit you throw at them. There's always a line where the shit just gets too deep. And hey, even if it's a deep, deep line, and a very loving person, I'll manage to find that line and cross it somehow. And then I'll tell myself it wasn't me, and I'll believe it was because they never really loved me anyway.

Pretty fucked up, hey?