Several years ago, one of my birds got loose in Minneapolis. I freaked out - posted signs offering a reward on almost every streetpole within several miles radius of where I lived, posted an ad in the paper, called around to all the local animal control and human society offices...

I cried myself to sleep every night. I didn't know if I would ever see her again, and actually went through a period of mourning her.

For all that, I actually got her back. Two weeks after she first got loose, I got a call from some man whose co-worker had seen my ad in the newspaper. He had found her shortly after she got out, wandering around a parking lot, and had taken her home meaning to keep her. The reward was enough to change his mind.

That bird was Cricket.

She was an amazing bird. She mothered about half the chicks I raised, back when I was still raising chicks. She's the only female bird I've ever had that sang, although she only sang when she wasn't around other birds. Females don't sing - it's just not done - and the few times she forgot that she was ostracized by the rest of the flock. Eventually she gave it up and learned to fit in. She would still sing just for me on rare occasions - alone with me on a car ride, perhaps - but that was it. Her song was much more muted than the male songs. Quiet, lilting melodies. Very sweet to listen to.

When she was a baby, Cricket was the sweetest, most trusting, affectionate bird. For a year or so after her big adventure in Minneapolis, she was a bit more jumpy. Wouldn't you be, if you'd gotten loose, been chased by crows, been put into a small cage in a strange man's house, and then finally returned home? This last year or two, however, she started mellowing out again. Utterly trusting, sweet, affectionate. Just wanted to be sociable, to be held, to have her neck scratched.

I miss her a lot already. I'm going to miss her.

Still sad, angry at myself, guilty, upset. Stuck at work, and don't really know what to do with myself or how to cope right now.