I dreampt about my birds again last night. I was in my childhoood bedroom. It was dark outside, and the room was dimly lit, so I didn't notice that the window was partially open. We had the birds out playing with us, but something startled them and they bolted for the window. All flew out before I could do anything about it, but as I reached frantically after them I managed to grab Cricket and pull her back in. I can still remember the feel of her chest in my hand, her quickly beating heart, her ruffled feathers.

I called for the rest of my birds, but none came back. When it got light the next day I searched the neighborhood for them, high and low, but I was never able to recover any of the others.

Everything is so backwards in my dreams. In actuality, Cricket is the one who is gone. The others still remain.

I don't know what the dream means. Maybe I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that I'll lose all of them at some point in time, and trying to come to terms with that impending loss now. But then why was Cricket alive in the dream? Why does she keep coming back?