I've been sick today. I hate being sick; I become a whiny, emotional mess. I feel physically awful, and on top of it, I feel sorry for myself, wishing someone would take care of me. Maybe because my father spoiled me when I was little, and waited on me hand and foot when I was ill. I hate asking favors of people, asking for help -- but when I'm sick, I find myself breaking all my rules and asking away. Or even worse, asking without asking. Don't you hate it when people do that? Why can't they just be up front about what they want?

Alex came by and brought me Pho at lunch time. Very sweet of him. And very nice, because I had no food, was not up to leaving the apartment, and probably would not have eaten today otherwise. I love him for doing it, but hate myself for not being self-sufficient, for needing help. How messed up is that? And more so that I am conscious of it.

On the bright side, I am starting to feel a little better. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be well.

The Dante's Inferno Test pegs me as a violent sinner:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

What sort of sinner are you?

I made three new year's resolutions. Was talking to Tina, who made several well thought out resolutions that I think she has a good chance of holding fast to. I admired her willingness to look within and to address areas in which she wanted to grow.

Here are mine:

1. Floss.
   
   (I cheated. I stole that one from her. And she had stolen it from someone else.


2. Be more dependable.
   
   (I am generally not dependable, socially. Especially when I've got work and school both going strong. I do realize this about myself, and I do not like it. But at the same time, I haven't really found the motivation yet to tackle it head on and attempt change. I resolve now to make a good-faith effort at modifying my behavior in this arena.)


3. Do not make commitments I cannot/will not keep.
   
   (If I watch before I speak and cut down on making commitments I would like to keep or feel like I should but know that I will not, it will help me to be more dependable. If I say I'll do something or be somewhere that I will not, I am setting myself up for an instance wherein I will be engaging in non-dependable behavior, as I later break the commitment.)

So...

Yeah.

Wish me luck.

I had all these things in mind that I wanted to blog about this morning, but now, for the life of me, I can't remember what they are.

In other news -

I went to the dentist today. He doesn't think I need to have my amalgamated fillings removed. For myself, I think I would probably be okay keeping them in, but I want to bear children sometime in the next decade, and I don't feel comfortable going through a pregnancy with them in, given the possibilities. Maybe they're harmless. But maybe they're not. And it's my potential offspring that will suffer if they are harmful, and I'm not willing to take that risk for the sake of saving a little bit of money right now. How much is peace of mind worth to you? Hard to put a price value on it.

I started work again today, also. It was difficult concentrating and getting back into the flow. Not that I was all that into the flow before. I need to figure out how to get into productive-programming mode each day without requiring several hours of warm-up time.

So, about that - in the neural system unit of anatomy last month, we learned that, if you have trouble taking tests, you should make your study environment as similar to your test taking environment as possible. This is because environment factors into the way that your body takes and processes information, and it will be easier to access information in an environment similar to the one in which you learned it. So wear the same underwear, or eat the same foods just before, or do whatever you need to do.

In college, I think I trained my body to process programatic sorts of thoughts best late at night/early in the morning, when I was always finishing up programming projects the night before they were due. And now, it's hard for my to get into that frame of mind during the day. 9 PM - 5 AM, I can slip into that mode quite easily. But 10 AM? Not so easy. Problem is, I don't want to do all my work at night. And my boss doesn't want me to, either. So I need to retrain myself. It's pretty painful.

Several months ago, the commenting service I subscribe to stopped sending me notifications when people create new comments. I have not gotten any responses to my requests for support, even though I paid for the service. I need to get my butt in gear and just create my own blogging and commenting system that addresses all the little problems I have with the ones I use now -- hopefully, now that I have a computer again, I'll be motivated to do that sometime soon.

What's with that, anyway? Why is it so hard to motivate myself to start things? My to-do list is, like, a million items long. I accomplish this and that here and there -- this weekend, I completely cleaned my car out, and it's cleaner since it's been since we bought it -- but then the rest of the list sits stagnant through the years.

My family sent me a package the day before Christmas. It has yet to arrive.

I think the postman may have hijacked it.



At least I got myself a Christmas present. And I didn't mail it to myself. So it never got lost in the mail.

And now I'm happy, oh so happy.

Until tomorrow, when I start school again. And Tuesday, when I start work again. Did I mention that I'm a little bit nervous about that? Vacation has been so nice. I dread the thought of getting so very, very busy again, of running all around all the time and always being behind on everything, from now until August when I graduate.

Speaking of which, I have an Anatomy exam coming up. I guess I should probably study while I still have some free time left today and tomorrow. Pish Posh.

Merry Christmas, me.

I am now the proud owner of a 12" G4 PowerBook. A Mac! How do you like that, Mr. Gates? I agonized for months over whether or not to make the leap, but on Dec 29th, I went for it. Conveniently, I was able to buy it while travelling through Portland on my way back up from San Francisco, so there was no sales tax.

The machine and I love each other. We have had an intense few days with each other. She still has no name... neither of us is sure yet what she will be called. But it will be magnificent, as she herself is. Ah, if only all love could be so rich, so rewarding. But what need have I for other love, now that I have her?

I am actually blogging right now on my bed. I am leaching Jaimes' wireless from across the driveway. The signal is poor, however. Our apartment could use a new wireless router (my roommate has a stupid netgear one that doesn't work, so I don't think it really counts), but it will have to wait until my next paycheck, as my funds have been stretched rather thin.

This may mean my blogging frequency will increase again, although not necessarily so. We shall see.

My dog is on the bed with me. He actually slept here last night. That makes twice ever in all the years I've had him. Happy, happy us.

Happy, happy me.

Ain't love grand?