Saturday, February 15, 2003

. . . I often wonder how my parents survived raising my sister and me and are still managed to stay married for 36 years and still going :).
I think it had a lot to do with both of my parents having their families close by while we were growing up. Every now and then, the grandparents would 'take the kids' for a few days so my parents could spend some time alone. They were't dropping us off every weekend, but often enough to spend a weekend or two alone with each other every couple of months. . . .[Original Article]
I'd like that when I have kids, I think. Live close to either my family, the inlaws, or both.

My parents had that with my mother's parents -- they were just a few blocks away, so they could help out every once in a while. They spent lots of time working and playing with us when we were small. They'd take us in when one of my parents had to go to the hospital. When I was a teenager and just couldn't get along with my mother, when our fighting was at it's worst, they'd let me go hang with my grandmother until the tension cooled some.

I get so tied down these days even just with pets. I wanted to go dance in Portland this weekend - there's a huge Tango festival going on - but I just couldn't swing it with the dog. Pet care is expensive. It's hard to get on short notice. It's hard to trust strangers with it, especially after having one or two bad experiences.

I imagine that it's many times more complicated with children.
I should give credit where it's due.

So, I went back through and posted links to the original articles for each of the quotes. I thought about posting the authors, too, but I'm not sure they want their email addresses splattered all over the net. But if you click on the links you can see the whole articles in their entirety, and you can see who posted them, when, and where.
Mmm. More with the quoting.

. . . I think another aspect that goes wrong when 'looking' for someone is that you are too often concentrating on somebody *else's* virtues and qualities, not your own. I really believe that you can't make someone else love you, you can only make yourself loveable. So concentrate on making yourself a wonderful, happy, secure, confident, person and when you DO meet the person of your dreams, you'll be their dream, too. . . . [Original Article]
Bear with me here; I'll finish reading through all these threads soon, and then we'll be back to my original drivel.
Also interesting:

. . . You seem to be looking for her to explain why she left you--what was wrong with you, or the relationship, that she had to get out. That's kind of like asking an semi-illiterate to proofread a paper. They're likely to miss the things that are genuinely wrong, and correct some things that were right in the first place! If she's not an emotionally healthy person herself, and wouldn't know an emotionally healthy person/relationship if it bit her in the you think she's going to have much insight of value? . . . [Original Article]
More words to live by.

. . . My suggestion would be to do whatever you could to save your marriage, like I did. If it doesn't work, then at least you'll know that you tried, that it was out of your hands. . . .
And a partial response:

. . . If you try everything you can, and it still dies, then at lease you will not go through the rest of your life thinking 'What if I had done....' . . . [Original Article]

Another gem from the newsgroup:

. . . but unless you can turn loose, life will be a mess for you as well. You tried, but now you have to keep from sinking yourself. You can't save both of you, but don't fail to save yourself. Too many people make this mistake, in my opinion. . . . [Original Article]
I was reading through some old newsgroup threads that a friend posted in a while back, and came across this little gem of advice:

. . . Trying to rescue a damsel in distress is just going to get you a distressed damsel. Get healthy yourself and you *will* attract a healthy woman. . . . [Original Article]
I don't know why, but I really liked that, especially the first part.
Hmm; I've got the tiniest bit of a hangover. First time in quite a while.

Friday, February 14, 2003

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
I tried to find a source for that, but couldn't. It's spread all over the web, no source given anywhere that I could find.
I was filling out the online FAFSA and ran across this:

A federal law suspends federal student aid eligibility for students convicted under federal or state law of possession or sale of drugs (not including alcohol and tobacco).

"You screwed up, so we're going to make you pay for the rest of all time."

I was cutting some flower stems just now, slipped, and made a good gouge in my thumb. Cut pretty deep into the tip, and a ways down through the nail, as well.

Times like this, I feel pretty stupid for not carrying any health insurance.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

It's strange how an upbeat guitar or vocal rif on top of a strong percussion set and a bit of bass can make me feel happier.
Mary pointed out that I've "stopped blogging so much lately".


I wonder if I'm just uninspired, or if I'm losing interest so soon.

I tend to do everything in spurts - I'm not good at consistency - so I imagine my blogging will come in spurts, too. Ah well.

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

My dog is so dirty. Amazing how playing in mud puddles will do that to you. Mmm, black mud matted into white dog hair.

I just got done playing spades with Mike. It's nuts how often I'll see a hand and think, "No way should I bid [x]," and then I bid [x] anyway. Especially when [x]=nil. I really want to bid and make nils. 7-9-J of spades? No problem! 5-8-10-J of spades? Sure, I can do that.

Only usually I can't. No matter how much I want to.

And then we lose our game, which makes me sad.


Sunday, February 09, 2003

Man, I'm feeling low.

I came home to find that my dog had been digging in the kitchen again. This is his latest thing; when I'm gone and he's bored, he goes digging around the counters and such. It's happened five times in the last week. He gets into stuff all bagged/boxed tightly, tucked away - he really, really digs for it. Today he found an old bag of malted milk balls and went to town.

So I was feeling pretty frustrated. And I really scolded him. And he was so scared of me that he pissed himself.

For those of you that don't know, I got my dog almost a year ago as an adult dog, five years old. At least one of the homes he's been at before was a pretty bad one, and I'm positive that he's been abused. We've come a long way; he really trusts me and is completely devoted.

For me to have scared him so much...


It sucks. I just don't know how to break him of this habit, and I'm worried that he's going to find and eat something really bad for him someday and make himself seriously ill.

I don't want to scare the piss out of him, no pun intended. I just want not to have to worry.

I feel so bad. :(
I'm feeling kind of down and on edge today.

I don't know what it is. It's probably my brother, in part. I called my folks' house a little while ago and chatted with him a bit, with my sisters, with Amber, his girlfriend. I got all stuck up on all the little details I'd never have thought about on my own; he and Amber went and gave her power of attorney the other day so that she can take care of his affairs while he's away. Mary is taking his car while he's gone.

Anyhow, this call was the last time I'll get to talk with Leroy real-time for a long time. Major bummer. All of my family outside myself gathered together for the day. Laurie's there. Amber's family drove over to Rochester, too - it's the first time their family has really met ours since Amber and Leroy graduated from high school. What an occasion for the families to be meeting up. I wish I weren't so far away, so that I could be there too.

Tiff and I are going to hang out shortly. And Chris A. had surgery on Friday; I've been planning on going to harass him a bit. I saw Steve this morning, which was wonderful, and then saw Alex for a while which was really nice too. Trying to keep busy, trying not to let myself close off and shut down, but I just don't have the stomach for it right now. I'm doing all of this, but really what I'd like to be doing is sitting around alone, moping.

I feel so emotionally heavy. Blah.
I gave in this morning and had a cigarette. Mike will not be happy to hear this. Neither will Alex.

I'm sorry, guys.

But... it felt so good. One of life's little pleasures; standing out on the balcony, having the one cigarette, listening to my music, looking around; it's not sunny today, but it's a nice day. Listening to my birds singing, listening to the birds outside, looking around at the leaves and the greenery, the tree just underneath my balcony with the helicopter seeds, the trees just a bit away growing pine cones, the light green and the dark green and the shadows and the light, all of the beauty surrounding me and just feeling good...


It reminded me of the weeks when Jon was here. Some of those days were just so perfect.

This is one of the reasons that it's so hard to quit.

So is driving. Driving in Seattle just makes me want so smoke. Everything's so much more tollerable with a cigarette -- bad traffic, stand stills, sitting there wanting to be somewhere but not there yet and not there any time soon, bad drivers. Bleh.

Alex just called. We're going to go have a late breakfast, and then head over to the computer store. He's almost here, so I'm going to go out and meet him; signing off now.

If you read this before I talk to you again, Mike, I miss you -- I'm looking forward to talking to you again soon.