Thursday, December 13, 2007

Sickness, Hers and Mine

Ravenna's still sick. Three days now with this bug...if it doesn't break tonight, we're going in to her pediatrician tomorrow.

Nearly two weeks if you count all the stuff that was going on before, the teething fevers, the ear infections...

It's pretty brutal.

She's finally sleeping for a bit.

And me? I'm doing pretty well.

A little lonely.

I've been stuck lately. Too much time alone with a sick baby, I don't know, I've been stuck obsessing about the why's and wherefore's. Why did Jaimes emotionally check out so soon after Ravenna was born? Why did it seem to him, when we hit some rough times, that the best option was just to bail out on our life? To move on to someone else? I mean...yeah, we had our problems. But all relationships have problems. Show me one that doesn't. And you work through them, don't you? Isn't there something greater, companionship, love, friendship, that makes all of that worth it? Why wasn't it worth it?

When will I start letting go of all these questions? I don't want to carry them around with me indefinately. There aren't really any good answers. It's not helping me to have them on my mind. It's not helping anyone.

Ravenna will be better soon enough. And I'll be out and about in the world again.

Maybe that's all that I need, maybe this obsessing is my own sort of sickness, and when Ravenna breaks free from hers I'll break free from mine. Let's hope.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Ravenna has been pretty sick for about a week. First there was this cold that started around got better, but she just never totally cleared it.

Then there's teething; she's working on a couple molars and eye teeth all at once.

She's had this on and off high temperature, likely from the teething.

Then, maybe about this weekend, an ear infection kicked in on top of everything.

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and we're working on treating the runny nose and the ear infection. All good and well. But then she got worse again last night, with a temp of 104.1 °F all morning. I talked to the pediatrician again this morning and am giving her something else now to help bring down the fever, so now it's at 102.7 °F. Not as scary, but still worrisome.

She's been so groggy, not herself, wanting to be held all the time, nursed constantly...I'm worried for her. It's a heavy feeling.