Friday, January 31, 2003

Boy, did I ever burn the gyoza tonight. Every time I make them, I seem to mess something up -- too soggy, not cooked well enough, burnt -- and I'm not even consistent about what things are going wrong. Someday, I'll be a good cook. Apparently, however, that won't be any day soon.

So I was late heading to the airport tonight. I was all stressing out, but it turns out Mike's flight was late and we actually both got there at about the same time. If only things always worked out that well when I screw something up.

Thursday, January 30, 2003

I just discovered a phone message from Mike saying that he missed one of his flights; he slept through boarding while at the airport.

I've done that before. I was waiting for a connecting early morning flight on the way back from a cousin's wedding in Savannah, GA last summer. I was exhausted and wanted to take a short nap, so I set the alarm on my cell phone and dozed off. An hour or two later, as I was sitting there sleeping through my alarm, everyone around me got up and boarded. I woke up just in time to see the plane taking off outside the window.

Luckily for Mike, there's another flight leaving two hours later so he won't get here too much later than he would have otherwise. When I slept through my flight, I had to spend an extra 12 hours with nothing to do at the Charlotte, NC airport.

Lesson learned: It's not smart to sleep at the airport; you can't count on being woken up. Wait and sleep on the plane; they'll be sure to kick you off at the end of your flight if you oversleep. ;)
The road to hell is paved with good intentions - bah. Mike flies in tonight! I meant to have the apartment all spic and span by the time he got here, but it's 2 pm the day of now, and I haven't really started on it.

Oh well, here we go - we'll see how much I can get done in 6 short hours.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

My wrists are really throbbing today. Days like this make me wish I could just go to sleep to make it all go away, and wake up later feeling better. There's too much to get done though.
When I was little, I thought that I'd grow up, meet the one person meant for me, fall in love, and live happily ever after. It was all going to be so simple.

It never occurred to me that you could love multiple people simultaneously.

it's not
what you thought
when you first began it
you got
what you want
you can hardly stand it, though
by now you know
it's not going to stop
it's not going to stop
it's not going to stop
'til you wise up
- Aimee Mann, "Wise Up"

So I watched Magnolia the other night. Strange movie. I haven't decided yet whether I liked it or not.

I love the soundtrack, though. I've been listening to it non-stop today; I'd never heard of Aimee Mann before, but I think I'm a fan now. I'll have to keep her in mind next time I'm able to afford new music.

Last night in my Tango class, Jaimes reprimanded me again for bouncing. "Move like a panther!" It's hard for me not to bounce, though, especially since I've been working on making my Lindy lower and bouncier. I want to be able to move like he does, though. I could sit and watch him for hours. When he dances, he doesn't dance to the music -- he dances the music. I hadn't realized before what a huge distinction that was. Both he and Steven Mitchell absolutely floor me.

Emerald City Swing is in the midst of holding tryouts right now. I'd thought about trying out - I thought even just the experience of learning a routine and auditioning would be good for me, and I wanted to see if I could cut it - but ultimately decided not to go through with it. Tryouts would have gotten in the way of my tango class. They would have gotten in the way of Thursday night at the Russian Center, and that's my favorite dance night. They would have cut into Mike's visit, which would have been a bummer. And if I'd gotten in, weekly practices would have cut into the same things; I wouldn't have been able to do all of Thursday nights anymore, and I would probably have had to give up Tango at least for now.

So I've been talking to a friend who did try out about the tryouts, and he's disappointed. Lots of emphasis on presentation, synchronized styling. Doesn't seem as if it will help with everything he wants to fix in his dancing. Nice people in charge, but he's not sure he'd trust them to always know what's good in terms of dancing. He's not sure if he's going to continue with the rest of the audition process.

On the one hand, this makes me sad for him; he was really excited about tryouts, about the group, about possibilities.

On the other hand, it makes me feel a little better about my decision not to put the time into trying out. I'm sure I would have had some of the same complaints, and I'd now be struggling with the decision that he is. But I don't have that problem; my decision has already been made.

Maybe some other performance group, some other time. I would like to do it someday.
"It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got." - Sheryl Crow

I like that.
So I woke up this morning, and I really wanted fruit. I dug through the fridge - no juice, damnit - but I found two plums. They were only, oh, five or six months old. But they didn't look bad. Maybe a little squishy, but no mold, and generally rather firm.

My mind said, "Don't do it!" but I took the plunge and ate one. I'm telling you, I really wanted fruit.

I'm not feeling so well now.

Lesson learned: If you think it might be bad to eat, it's probably better not to eat it. Listen to your instincts, cravings be damned.
Damnit. You'd think I'd learn my lesson. Multiple times now, I've spent time thinking out and composing email in a web form, only to hit an error on send and lose it all. So I come, I create a blog, I spend quite a while composing my first post in their web form, hit post -- and boom, script error, everything's lost. Veni, vedi, inepti.

So here we go, second attempt at a first entry. This time I'm writing it out in notepad and I'm going to do the cut and paste bit, so if I hit any more bumps in the posting process I won't lose my precious content this time 'round.

Wow. Finally, a web journal of sorts; I've been meaning to do this for so long, and here it is. But will I follow through and keep it going, now that it's begun? Isn't that always the question with me.

I'm experiencing a bit of inner conflict. Should my posts here be true to whatever I'm thinking and whatever's going on in my life? "Dear Diary" is the sort of feel I'd like to go for, I think, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough. The problem with web journals is that you can never be sure who is reading them or who might read them at some point in the future. This is not, perhaps, a problem for everyone, but it is a problem for me. I guess I'm pretty protective of my private life, all things considered. Honestly, I could care less what strangers might read or think about me, but when it comes to people I know and care about it all becomes much more messy and tangled.

This probably isn't such a good thing. I should trust the people I care most about enough to let them in on the inner workings of my life. I should surround myself with people who will love and accept me regardless of what I do or think. And, really, I shouldn't be doing things the people I love most might take issue with. I should evaluate what I'm doing and why they might take issue with it, and perhaps consider not doing it anymore. Blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to hide. But it's such a habit now, and habits are hard to break. And if certain people knew certain things about me, it might permanently alter our relationships; I'm not ready to deal with that sort of fallout.

So either I'll monitor very carefully who I pass this url to, or my posts will tend towards light and fluffy. That's not to say that there won't be fluff if I do decide to keep tight wraps on the site; I think I'm incapable of maintaining any sort of writing project without being excruciatingly wordy and often indulging in the trite and trivial. Conciseness is not a strength of mine. Language is not a tool that I wield especially well. Boo.

Anyhow, I'm really not sure which way I'll go yet.

That said, whoever you are, welcome to my blog.