Thursday, February 12, 2004

So I'm taking off for Portland now. Valentango! I won't be online while I'm down there so you won't see anything new here for a few days, but I'm sure I'll be back to my old posting ways again sometime next week.
Mary and Alex - super awesome. Super helpful. I was running super late, and they are super helping to smooth things along. Super.
Steve and Frederick have gotten so annoyed with people cheating the carpool lane on 520 and clogging up traffic that we've started crusing the lane on our Thursday afternoon commute with a camera and with the number for reporting violators programmed into Steve's cellphone. Awesome.

Woah, that first sentence ran on forever. Kind of like Thursday afternoon traffic on 520. Fitting.
I always feel most compelled to clean right before I leave to go on a trip. I want to have my personal space in order when I am not here.

Why is that? Why wouldn't I want it in order just as badly (if not more so) when I am here? Why does leaving things in disarray cause me unrest?

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Oddities in the news:
Gems from my baby sister:
He was never mine to lose.
Why regret what could not be?
These are words he'll never say -
Not to me.
Not to me, not for me.
His heart full of love,
he will never feel this way!

- from A Heart Full of Love (Les Miserables)
Frances Ruffelle sings with such feeling!

I get drawn so fully into the music on this album that whenever I really stop to listen, my heart catches in my throat. This is especially true with the second disc. I know what will happen, what is coming, and can anticipate every note, but it flows so artfully! Still speaks to me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

I don't understand people who insist on taking up multiple seats on the bus, especially when others are left standing for lack of room.

Monday, February 09, 2004

New self-policy:

Whenever I feel down enough that I end up indulging in a cry, I'm going to do a self-portrait of myself, right then and there.
  1. It's hard.

  2. It's difficult to stay so self-indulgent while concentrating on something as difficult as drawing oneself while crying. Attempting to capture that emotion on paper is not easy and there isn't be room for self-pity when I channel all my energy into such a task.

  3. I've been stuck on things to draw. Well, here's something.

  4. It's hard.

  5. What does not kill me will only make me stronger. Hard is good for me.

  6. It's been a while since I've drawn regularly and I need the practice. This is good practice. It's a difficult assignment. But I'm not going to get back up to par if I don't challenge myself.

  7. Did I mention that it's hard? No self-coddling, damnit.

  8. It's an outlet for the emotion behind the tears. Diffusing emotion through such an outlet allows me to feel better. It's a constructive means of coping with strong feelings.
This is not to say that I cry often or that I will be doing a large number of sad self portraits. But when I do, I will.
I browsed off of Louis's blog today to take a ColorQuiz. It's a personality test based on the research of Dr. Max Lûscher in the 1990's, which uses colors to try to infer things about the test taker's emotional state.

Here is what it had to say about me:
Existing Situation
Attracted by anything new, modern, or intriguing. Liable to the bored by the humdrum, the ordinary, or the traditional.

Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.

Restrained Characteristics
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

Desired Objective
Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.

Actual Problem
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.

Actual Problem #2
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.
Some of these statements seem to fit me pretty well. Some fit not as well. Many seem rather generic -- I thought at first that they might be like horoscopes, generic enough to allow the reader to read whatever they will into the description.

I read over Louis's results, though, and they were dramatically different from mine. Didn't fit me nearly as well. So maybe there's something to it all.

Made me wonder, if color can really be used to infer so much about a person, whether varying tones between different computer monitors would make a difference in the test results. The colors won't necessarily appear the same on my screen, with my screen settings, as they will on yours.
LifeWise was never able to locate my payment, so I am still effectively uninsured. Fortunately, because I had paid in person, had obtained a reciept, and kept both the receipt and a carbon copy of the check, they admit that I probably did pay.

After I jump through a few hoops -- put a stop on the original check, send them a copy of the receipt for that so that they can reimburse me for the stop fee, and send them a new check -- they will then honor the original date of payment, reinstate my health coverage dating back to 12/01/2003, and will resubmit all claims that they have since rejected.

New graffiti scrawled on a wall near my bus stop:
Consume less,
live more.
Ah, Capitol Hill.
In preparation for my trip to Portland this weekend, I took my car in over lunch to have its oil changed, its tires rotated, its brakes checked, and its fluids checked. I also replaced the windshield wiper blades. It's all running so nicely now!

I had the work done at Courtesy Auto. They gave me a deal on the work since I had them replace two of my tires a while back -- $17 for the oil change, the tire rotation, and the brake and fluid checks. Sweet.

That makes two good car experiences in less than a month. Considering that all my car repair experiences up to that point had been poor, that's not bad at all. It's a whole new world.
A thick blanket of fog covered all of Capitol Hill when I went out to walk the dog this morning.

I love walking out to find a known place so completely transformed! It feels mystical and magical. Makes me want to believe in wondrous things. Everthing is changed, new, exciting - I feel an undercurrent of excitement stir within me, a feeling that defined my childhood but has become more dormant over the years.