Lightening

My baby dropped this week into my lower abdomen, "lightening" I guess. Now instead of being shaped like an overblown beach ball, I am shaped like a pear. I can breathe more easily now, but I've gotten so much more uncomfortable - bending over at all is painful now, even the angle caused just by sitting up isn't feeling that great. I feel okay when I'm walking, standing, or lying down though.

Last week we got to "practice", spending time with a 5 month old belonging to friends of ours who were visiting... it was really good for my esteem. I think I've had a small, nay-saying voice in my head whispering what f I can't do it, what if I don't have a clue what to do with a baby, what if I'm not cut out? But it felt really natural being around Estella, holding her, watching her cues and signals and trying to understand what she wanted and felt and needed.

Jaimes, too. I really think he's going to be a good father. It's been something, being around him these last few months - he's been growing and changing like you wouldn't believe. It's like some restless demon inside him has calmed down. He's got more depth and grounding right now than I've ever seen in him before.

That's most of what's new with me. I mean, I'm still working, still doing some massage, doing some tango - but mostly I've got baby on my mind. I am so impatient to meet this creature that's been moving around inside me all these months, listening to me, responding to noises in our environment, exploring its boundaries, the walls of my visceral cavity, with its elbows and arms and feet.