Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Tonight, I was on top of the world!

Seriously, it's been a great evening. I had an awesome dancing night! I was in a weird mood; really playful. This was the first dance I've had like that where sleep deprivation wasn't somehow involved. I danced with several leads I hadn't danced with for months, and they were all really impressed with my dancing. Idaho Dave said that the dance I had with him was one of his favorites all evening. I had a kick-ass dance with Kevin Buster -- during the dance, I'd do something cool and he'd be like, "YEAH!" and make all sorts of approving noises, and he thanked me for the dance over and over again afterwards. Five thank you's or something over the course of the next half hour. He said it was our best dance ever. Sweet!

Before the dance Alex and I grabbed some Thai food, and we sat and ate it through the first few songs. Just listening to the music, hanging out, eating great food... it was a nice way to start out the evening. And then I was on for almost the entire night. Mike led me in Tango during one of the slower songs, which was cool, but I had a few off dances after that. It's hard to go back and forth. I got my groove back two or three songs later, though, and I think those two or three songs were the only ones that didn't feel absolutely great. And even those few were still good, by my regular standards.

Alex thinks my following has dramatically improved just in the last week or so. Maybe the break I took from dancing was good for me. Hmm. Food for thought.

We all went out to the grill afterwards. It was Tigan's birthday, so even Alex was feeling social enough to hang out for a bit. I had a milkshake, a coffee, and I stole some of Alex's cheesecake. The cheesecake had raspberry sauce dribbled all over it -- yummy! I ended up with a tummy ache -- too much lactose, or the Thai food catching up with me, or something -- but even that didn't bring me down from my dancing high.

I am so happy tonight. Yay.

Monday, March 03, 2003

I just got a copies of the family pictures we had done while I was back in MN this past December. They make me really happy! I wish I had a scanner; I'd scan one in and make you all look at it.

This is the first time my family had all been together in almost a year. It's the first family photo we've had taken in probably six or seven years.

Sadly, with my brother in Kuwait and with me out here in WA low on funds for travelling and all, that Christmas is probably the last time that we'll all be together in the same place for quite a while to come. It sucks, because I really do love my family. I've met all sorts of people out here who come from really disfunctional families and are glad to be apart, but not me. My parents, my sisters, my brother -- good people. I miss them.
I'm the queen of run-on sentences today. Yay me.
It's hard explaining depression to someone who's never really been there. And trying to explain... it makes me feel like something's seriously wrong with me, like I'm so much less of a person because I get sucked down into the depression, without there being any good reason for it, no real motivation for being unhappy.


I am feeling a little better now though. I mean, I was feeling depressed anyway and I still am now, but there was other stuff going on that was getting to me. Mike and I had a good talk and worked some of that out. So I'm not happy right now, exactly, but I feel like a lot of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's good.
Current mood: Down
Now playing: The Police, Don't Stand So Close To Me

Wow, it's been a while. Only three days, I guess, but they've been a long three days.

I'm so sore now. I danced all weekend. I danced hard. I'm getting a little better at the fast lindy stuff -- my technique still isn't great, but it's getting there. I learned some exercizes this weekend that I can warm up with, and they really seem to help my basic fall into place a bit better.

A lot of people weren't all that impressed with the workshop. Alex loved it; he says he had a better time this weekend than he had at SONW. (Then again, he and I both got screwed on SONW. Long, sad, boring story.) I don't know if I'd say the same, but I had a great time over the last few days. I feel energized about my dancing again.

On an entirely different note, my depression's been kicking up again recently. The last few days haven't been great; I think it was good that I had structured activities all weekend keeping me out and about. It probably wasn't so great that I was eating and sleeping sporadically. My inclination today is to indulge my mood and stay home, but that's likely not a great idea. At a minimum, I think I'll drag myself out to Sonny's tonight.

I'm logged into IM right now. Why is it that the two or three people I'm really not all that into talking wtih are the ones who message me endlessly? Bleh.

Anyhow, I'm off to walk the dog.