Friday, January 13, 2006

Sometimes I have a hard time really being present in the moment I am living. Instead, I find myself caught up in something that happened two weeks ago, or something that could have been (if only this or that had gone differently), working it over and over again in my mind, chewing on it incessantly.

Why is it so hard to be here, right now, content with what I have and what is?

Susie's friend Betsi said rather succinctly in her blog the other day, "It's like playing that stupid mind game where you try really hard not to think about penguins, except in this case not only did I not think about penguins, I forgot what they were, set fire to my shirt, and mailed myself to Hong Kong."

I mean, she was talking about something totally different. But it still works for this. Doesn't it still work? Doesn't it? Except that I'm not on my way to Hong Kong, I'm still wearing my smelly old shirt, and I've got penguins on the brain. Stupid penguins.

I miss China.

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