Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Damnit. You'd think I'd learn my lesson. Multiple times now, I've spent time thinking out and composing email in a web form, only to hit an error on send and lose it all. So I come, I create a blog, I spend quite a while composing my first post in their web form, hit post -- and boom, script error, everything's lost. Veni, vedi, inepti.

So here we go, second attempt at a first entry. This time I'm writing it out in notepad and I'm going to do the cut and paste bit, so if I hit any more bumps in the posting process I won't lose my precious content this time 'round.

Wow. Finally, a web journal of sorts; I've been meaning to do this for so long, and here it is. But will I follow through and keep it going, now that it's begun? Isn't that always the question with me.

I'm experiencing a bit of inner conflict. Should my posts here be true to whatever I'm thinking and whatever's going on in my life? "Dear Diary" is the sort of feel I'd like to go for, I think, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough. The problem with web journals is that you can never be sure who is reading them or who might read them at some point in the future. This is not, perhaps, a problem for everyone, but it is a problem for me. I guess I'm pretty protective of my private life, all things considered. Honestly, I could care less what strangers might read or think about me, but when it comes to people I know and care about it all becomes much more messy and tangled.

This probably isn't such a good thing. I should trust the people I care most about enough to let them in on the inner workings of my life. I should surround myself with people who will love and accept me regardless of what I do or think. And, really, I shouldn't be doing things the people I love most might take issue with. I should evaluate what I'm doing and why they might take issue with it, and perhaps consider not doing it anymore. Blah, blah, blah.

I don't want to hide. But it's such a habit now, and habits are hard to break. And if certain people knew certain things about me, it might permanently alter our relationships; I'm not ready to deal with that sort of fallout.

So either I'll monitor very carefully who I pass this url to, or my posts will tend towards light and fluffy. That's not to say that there won't be fluff if I do decide to keep tight wraps on the site; I think I'm incapable of maintaining any sort of writing project without being excruciatingly wordy and often indulging in the trite and trivial. Conciseness is not a strength of mine. Language is not a tool that I wield especially well. Boo.

Anyhow, I'm really not sure which way I'll go yet.

That said, whoever you are, welcome to my blog.

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