From: Steve StrauchYes, he did indeed set his kitchen on fire last weekend. Poor Steve! I'm glad to see that he still has his sense of humor.
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 11:29 AM
Subject: A new recipe
My girlfriend and I made a New Year's resolution to eat in more and as a result, we've been trying to learn to cook. On Monday night we discovered this great new recipe that I thought I would share with you. Best of luck!
Kitchen Fire Pork
- Begin cooking this recipe only after 11pm when you are tired and neighbors are sleeping
- Add 1 inch vegetable oil to Dutch Oven.
- Mistakenly assume that, to heat the oil to 375 degrees you must put the burner on high for say 5 or 6 minutes.
- Loose track of time preparing the pork.
- Do NOT stir the oil. Allow the surface tension to build as the oil below overheats.
- Place pork on a cookie sheet and walk over to the burner.
- Decide that you want the cookbook with you. Put the pork plate ON TOP of the Dutch Oven, cause pressure to build.
- Return with the cookbook and remove the pork plate from the top of the Dutch Oven, disturbing the surface tension of the oil and injecting fresh oxygen.
- Watch as a flames shoot out of the Dutch Oven.
- Scream "Fire, Fire"
- Irrationally think to yourself... "Since covering the pork helped cause the problem, covering the flaming Dutch Oven will make the fire worse."
- Watch your cabinets catch on fire.
- Run out of the apartment without your cell phone.
- Try to get neighbor to call 911 while she screams at you for making her apartment smell like smoke. Repeat until she shuts up and calls 911.
- Don't notice other neighbor and girlfriend re-entering apartment to try to throw baking soda on the fire.
- Notice when the baking soda causes fire to flare all the way to the ceiling and said neighbor and girlfriend scream and exit the apartment
- Freak out, imagining carnage scenes from Backdraft while level headed upstairs neighbor gets a fire extinguisher from building basement and puts out the fire.
- Wish you were him.
- Meet some cool firemen.
- Call your landlord, who you called only a few days earlier to say you'd be moving out in 3 weeks. Listen to her react calmly as she weeps on the inside.
- Spend next day cleaning soot, extinguisher residue off everything in the house. Enjoy scrubbing kitchen grout with toothbrush.
- Be thankful no one was hurt and damage was mostly limited to kitchen.
- DON'T tell your new coop community about the incident. They can vote you out.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Speaking of fire, I got this gem of an email from Steve: