Saturday, March 20, 2010


I'm depressed.

It's not a "just in this moment" thing, it's a generally thing. This last week, I find myself taking offense to things that people around me do or say, things that usually would not bother me. I'm having more trouble amassing the energy to do just basic things. And I feel....unhappy. For no reason that I can put my finger on.

I also feel isolated. I don't know how to talk to people about it; when I do they quickly respond with, "Is it something I said?"

No. It's not something you said.

It's nothing to do with you at all.

Maybe it's everything with Jaimes and the lawyer and all the money we've spent and STILL not being able to even file our initial paperwork for our residence application and feeling quite helpless as to determining my own destiny or timeline in this process, all of that weighing down on me. We had a large setback with Jaimes last week; a month ago I thought, for sure, here we are through the door and we will be filing within days, but turns out we needed just a bit more. But he's now again unwilling, and now we're back to being stopped up by him, not able to file anything at all. When we do file, it will supposedly take Swedish migration another 6-9 months to give us their decision, and we don't know when we can even start that process. This all certainly doesn't help, I guess, even if I can't pin it as the cause.

Maybe it's the weather. Except the weather has been amazing. The last few days felt like a bite of summer.

Maybe it's simple brain chemistry.

A lot of the time I feel okay, perhaps even most of the time. But more often than I would like, this last week or two, when I find myself with some time to stop and reflect, I feel...sinking. When I'm busy enough, I don't feel it. But in those respite periods, it feels like gravity is pulling on me harder than usual, everything is heavier.

Wish me well.

I hope this passes soon. I hope, also, that this most recent push with the lawyers turns out not to be too expensive, and is the last push we need to finalize and file the parenting plan we actually agreed to four long months ago.


snarlydwarf said...

So I was just lying in bed trying to take a nap, but FraidyCat wanted to sit on me, so it wasn't all that productive. I sort of zoned in and out while Supertramp's Paris album played... and there was this song and I thought, actually, about you and your role in my life. So here it is, in return.

Hide in your shell


Well, let me show you the nearest signpost
To get your heart back up on the road
If I can help you, if I can help you
If I can help you, just let me know

snarlydwarf said...

and one more tune from an album I got from Emusic last night: