On Test Taking

I am not looking forward to upcoming tests. I bet they would be easier if I had spent more time these last several months working on paying attention.

On Paying Attention

I suck at paying attention.

On Drinking

"Not only red wine but also white wine, beer and hard liquor
appear to protect against mental decline in older women, two new
studies have found," or so says the New York Times. Interesting.

Check out my new favorite French hip-hop song. Such a nice groove! I'm waiting expectantly for the album to arrive in the mail.

Here is an (poor) approximate English translation of the lyrics:

They met back in school
Between a math class and a spanish class
She was a soccer fan
But he didn't fear balls, it was the goal
He promised rides in a Corvette
But for now, he was stealing scooters
Between them there was always complicity
Stop on a pedestal, a clear dream
If he became triangle, she would be rectangle
The beauty and the bad boy, the triangular rectangle
It's like going from Joe Dassin to Jodeci
A real R&B videoclip drama
She's living the great love, that begins in the court
Continues during tours and always rhymes with 'toujours'
But the context is sronger than the concept
Her man jumps into the flames and showers in them

Refrain
The subsets in the great sets are assembled
The beauty and the bad boy(x3)

The subsets in the great sets are assembled
The subsets in the great sets are assembled
To win money together
Talk without giving the impression of doing business together
And when it gets bloody, they plead God ogether. See.
They were convinving, She was convinced]
To think today that stopping was out of the question
They traffic counterfeit money with Slavic networks
Beat the competition. In France it's a serious offense
Risk for the knobs, he leaves the Baumettes
He has only one trick in mind, it is the search of his Corvette.
Paranoiac environment, the opposing team lags behind
Projectiles go off when a BMW brakes
When she falls, tears drops off his eyes
Two .22 bullets. Twenty two(years old) Goodbye.
The Context is stronger than the concept
Her man jumps into the flames He has to shower in them

As you've noticed, I've not been blogging much. Or maybe you've not noticed, having given up on even looking for new content.

This, despite now again owning a computer.

What's up with that, you ask?

I do occasionally think about things which, in my mind, may be worthy of posting. But I find my bar is higher these days -- things I'll discuss in conversation with friends seems too mundane, or too risque, or too lewd for posting in a public forum.

Like today, during a coffee break, Chris and I were talking. He has noticed a trend over time where it seems the bigger the guy, the harder it is to get him off. I thought back on all my relationships, and this seems to generally hold true in my experience, as well. Why is that? Littler members can be more easily encompassed in their entirety? It is harder to stimulate as great a percentage of bigger members, and percentage of the member stimulated makes a difference?

Had you ever thought about that?

Are you glad you have now?

If not, too late -- it's posted, you've read it, so move on and deal with it already.

But there's lots like that that I'm not posting.

Should I be? Is it better I'm not? Will I feel inclined to again with time? Will I find different content to wrap myself around, given a few weeks or months? Or is my blog doomed to die a slow and painful death?

Tune in next time, when all these questions and more may be answered. Same kat time, same kat channel.

Have you ever lodged a nail in your brain and not noticed it for 6 days?

A Breckenridge construction worker is recovering after going to the dentist for a toothache that turned out to have been caused by a 4-inch nail lodged in his skull. Patrick Lawler, 23, said he was using a nail gun on Jan. 6 when it backfired, firing a nail into a nearby piece of wood. And, unbeknownst to him, a second nail went through the roof in his mouth, and into his head -- about an inch and a half into his brain -- barely missing the back of his eye.

How, how, how do you not notice a nail lodged in your brain? Or at
least the entrance wound, you know?

From the article: "'We just thought it was a big contusion. You get
punched or something, and your eyes swell up, your jaws swell up,
whatever ... We didn't think a nail was hanging out, poking where it
shouldn't have been,' Lawler said."

So he didn't notice because he thought it was like a contusion where
he got punched... but he never got punched! If my eye and jaw was
swollen, all of a sudden, as if maybe I had been punched, and I didn't
remember getting punched, I'd think it might set off alarm bells. I'd
hope.

All things Mike Dust - truely awesome.

From ABC News: Minnesota Town Hits 54 Below Zero.

Ah. It's days like this that I miss home. I mean, that I don't. Miss home. Not all that much.

I like having warm feet and hands and digits and such. Yeah, the rainy dreariness of Seattle gets old, and yeah, it's been pretty cold here lately, but not cold like that.

The New York Times Magazine recently posted an article about toxicity of breast milk. Interesting reading, and good stuff to think about given that I plan to breastfeed if I ever mother children. All the same, continually reading about stuff like this may be somewhat akin to picking at a wound... I can worry, worry, worry about all the chemicals building up in all of our systems, about exposure to flame retardants, to teflon, to chemicals that were banned before I was born but are still being passed through the food chain and building up in my body, but what can I do about any of it? Yes, I am getting my amalgamated fillings taken out, but there's still everything else in the world affecting me, my environment, the food I eat. Crazy to think about.

I've been sick today. I hate being sick; I become a whiny, emotional mess. I feel physically awful, and on top of it, I feel sorry for myself, wishing someone would take care of me. Maybe because my father spoiled me when I was little, and waited on me hand and foot when I was ill. I hate asking favors of people, asking for help -- but when I'm sick, I find myself breaking all my rules and asking away. Or even worse, asking without asking. Don't you hate it when people do that? Why can't they just be up front about what they want?

Alex came by and brought me Pho at lunch time. Very sweet of him. And very nice, because I had no food, was not up to leaving the apartment, and probably would not have eaten today otherwise. I love him for doing it, but hate myself for not being self-sufficient, for needing help. How messed up is that? And more so that I am conscious of it.

On the bright side, I am starting to feel a little better. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be well.

The Dante's Inferno Test pegs me as a violent sinner:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

What sort of sinner are you?

I made three new year's resolutions. Was talking to Tina, who made several well thought out resolutions that I think she has a good chance of holding fast to. I admired her willingness to look within and to address areas in which she wanted to grow.

Here are mine:

1. Floss.
   
   (I cheated. I stole that one from her. And she had stolen it from someone else.


2. Be more dependable.
   
   (I am generally not dependable, socially. Especially when I've got work and school both going strong. I do realize this about myself, and I do not like it. But at the same time, I haven't really found the motivation yet to tackle it head on and attempt change. I resolve now to make a good-faith effort at modifying my behavior in this arena.)


3. Do not make commitments I cannot/will not keep.
   
   (If I watch before I speak and cut down on making commitments I would like to keep or feel like I should but know that I will not, it will help me to be more dependable. If I say I'll do something or be somewhere that I will not, I am setting myself up for an instance wherein I will be engaging in non-dependable behavior, as I later break the commitment.)

So...

Yeah.

Wish me luck.

I had all these things in mind that I wanted to blog about this morning, but now, for the life of me, I can't remember what they are.

In other news -

I went to the dentist today. He doesn't think I need to have my amalgamated fillings removed. For myself, I think I would probably be okay keeping them in, but I want to bear children sometime in the next decade, and I don't feel comfortable going through a pregnancy with them in, given the possibilities. Maybe they're harmless. But maybe they're not. And it's my potential offspring that will suffer if they are harmful, and I'm not willing to take that risk for the sake of saving a little bit of money right now. How much is peace of mind worth to you? Hard to put a price value on it.

I started work again today, also. It was difficult concentrating and getting back into the flow. Not that I was all that into the flow before. I need to figure out how to get into productive-programming mode each day without requiring several hours of warm-up time.

So, about that - in the neural system unit of anatomy last month, we learned that, if you have trouble taking tests, you should make your study environment as similar to your test taking environment as possible. This is because environment factors into the way that your body takes and processes information, and it will be easier to access information in an environment similar to the one in which you learned it. So wear the same underwear, or eat the same foods just before, or do whatever you need to do.

In college, I think I trained my body to process programatic sorts of thoughts best late at night/early in the morning, when I was always finishing up programming projects the night before they were due. And now, it's hard for my to get into that frame of mind during the day. 9 PM - 5 AM, I can slip into that mode quite easily. But 10 AM? Not so easy. Problem is, I don't want to do all my work at night. And my boss doesn't want me to, either. So I need to retrain myself. It's pretty painful.

Several months ago, the commenting service I subscribe to stopped sending me notifications when people create new comments. I have not gotten any responses to my requests for support, even though I paid for the service. I need to get my butt in gear and just create my own blogging and commenting system that addresses all the little problems I have with the ones I use now -- hopefully, now that I have a computer again, I'll be motivated to do that sometime soon.

What's with that, anyway? Why is it so hard to motivate myself to start things? My to-do list is, like, a million items long. I accomplish this and that here and there -- this weekend, I completely cleaned my car out, and it's cleaner since it's been since we bought it -- but then the rest of the list sits stagnant through the years.

My family sent me a package the day before Christmas. It has yet to arrive.

I think the postman may have hijacked it.



At least I got myself a Christmas present. And I didn't mail it to myself. So it never got lost in the mail.

And now I'm happy, oh so happy.

Until tomorrow, when I start school again. And Tuesday, when I start work again. Did I mention that I'm a little bit nervous about that? Vacation has been so nice. I dread the thought of getting so very, very busy again, of running all around all the time and always being behind on everything, from now until August when I graduate.

Speaking of which, I have an Anatomy exam coming up. I guess I should probably study while I still have some free time left today and tomorrow. Pish Posh.

Merry Christmas, me.

I am now the proud owner of a 12" G4 PowerBook. A Mac! How do you like that, Mr. Gates? I agonized for months over whether or not to make the leap, but on Dec 29th, I went for it. Conveniently, I was able to buy it while travelling through Portland on my way back up from San Francisco, so there was no sales tax.

The machine and I love each other. We have had an intense few days with each other. She still has no name... neither of us is sure yet what she will be called. But it will be magnificent, as she herself is. Ah, if only all love could be so rich, so rewarding. But what need have I for other love, now that I have her?

I am actually blogging right now on my bed. I am leaching Jaimes' wireless from across the driveway. The signal is poor, however. Our apartment could use a new wireless router (my roommate has a stupid netgear one that doesn't work, so I don't think it really counts), but it will have to wait until my next paycheck, as my funds have been stretched rather thin.

This may mean my blogging frequency will increase again, although not necessarily so. We shall see.

My dog is on the bed with me. He actually slept here last night. That makes twice ever in all the years I've had him. Happy, happy us.

Happy, happy me.

Ain't love grand?

On reading my most recent post, a friend of mine who worked an internship last summer with Environmental Working Group, a non-profit advocacy group, directed me to the EWG report on mercury and autism in susceptible children. Its findings are in line with many of the other bits I found and posted, but it is all bundled up in a nicely written and referenced package. Good reading.

Everywhere I look, these days, I seem confronted by the topic of autism. I learned last week that an aquaintance at work has two autistic children. Care was so difficult and the cost was so high that he and his wife eventually had to give the boys up to full time care facilities. The New York Times has had several articles on autism recently. I have seen articles in a number of other journals, as well. It has come up in a number of conversations, recently, and not of my accord.

Today I gave in, and I read a number of articles on on the disorder, discussing onset, causes, rise of incidence in the US, related diseases, etc. I figured if fate so vigilantly continues to place the subject in front of me, perhaps it is worth taking her up on it and exposing myself to it.

I found particularly interesting one article which claims that breastfeeding might help autistic children, and may even prevent autism. Of course, there were also articles warning against breastfeeding autistic children, speculating that the casien protein in breast milk can worsen the condition.

Then I got side-tracked for a while, reading about breast-feeding in general. Autism aside, it seems that children who are breast-fed develop a higher IQ than children who are formula fed, and develop stronger immune systems, as well. I plan to breastfeed all my children. I found it interesting (although unsurprising) that women with unintended pregnances are much less likely to breastfeed their children.

Back to autism. Further reading on autism led me to read about vaccines. Some feel that childhood vaccines are at least partially responsible for many incidences of autism these days. Preservatives in vaccines are a concern, particularly thimerosal, which is 50% mercury (although it seems that they have been phasing thimerosal out in the last several years due to such concerns).

What, then, can you do if you are concerned about the risks of vaccinating your child? Vaccine requirements are decided on a state to state basis. Generally, states require some level of vaccination for children to enter into the public school system. Many states allow religious excemptions and a few offer philosophical exemptions, but these can be hard to obtain.

I'm not sure how I feel about vaccination; there's so much diverse information out there, and I'm not at all educated on the subject. I will certainly want to become more educated before my children are vacccinated, however.

Reading about mercury in vaccinations and the possible causal link to autism led me to read about mercury poisoning compared with autism. Symptoms of mercury poisoning are quite similar to symptoms of autism, and some believe that at least a portion of reported cases of autism today are actually cases of mercury poisoning. Mercury toxicity also seems to be related to a number of other diseases, including (but not limited to) Alzheimer's disease.

This brought me to dental amalgams. Did you know that these widely used "silver fillings" are actually 50% mercury, and continually leak mercury vapor into your system day after day? The American Dental Association maintains the position that "amalgam continues to be a safe and effective restorative material" and "there currently appears to be no justification for discontinuing the use of dental amalgam". The US Government maintains a similar position. This line of thought is hotly contested, however. Some countries, including Canada, Sweden, German, and the UK, have even passed laws restrictng the number of amalgams that can be placed in children and pregnant women.

I now want to get my amalgams removed. Certainly before I ever conceive or bear children, hopefully quite a while before then. I'm going to call my dentist tomorrow to chat about it.

For all that blather above, I've barely brushed the surface of these topics, and I don't really know anything more about autism than when I started. I feel so under-educated and uninformed.

Good news - I passed my exam. I think. I felt like I did well, and our instructor said she would call to notify us if we failed, but only if we failed. I have not yet had a call from her. Safe for now!

"'You're not allowed to sell human remains or human beings on eBay,' Mr. Durzy explained."