Oops

In class just now, as we were winding down to our lunch break, the instructor said something to the effect of, "blah blah blah blah the exam on monday blah blah."

?!

I turned and whispered to Janet, sitting behind me, "Did she just say 'the exam on Monday'? Did she mean this Monday?"

Apparently she meant this Monday.

Janet said that it's better that I found out now than it would have been if I had found out ON Monday.

I guess that's true.

Still... oops. I should pay more attention to these sorts of things.

So cute!

It's not just me -

According to a story on eWeek, AOL has mistakenly suspended a very large number of AOL Instant Messenger (one of the most widely used IM programs) accounts, by mistake. I don't know about you guys, but this happened to me and a large percentage of friends and coworkers. AOL says that a fix should be ready by Monday.

AIM also finally added the following bit to their tech support page halfway through the day today: "If you recently began receiving an error message indicating that your sign on has been blocked because your account has been suspended, please be patient as we restore the accounts over the next several days. We apologize for the inconvenience." Rumor has it they'll have all accounts restored by Monday.

AOL has suspended an AIM account that I use regularly. When I attempt to sign in, I am directed to a page that tells me:

Your Screen Name is blocked from signing in to the AIM service.

Your Screen Name is blocked from signing in to the AIM service. There are several reasons why you may have received this message:

1. Screen Names that were previously used on AOL but have been cancelled or suspended, can no longer be used on AIM. This includes both master accounts and sub-accounts. In order to continue using this Screen Name on AIM, please reactivate the account on AOL.



2. AOL Screen Names that have one or more of the following Parental Controls set will no longer able to use AIM, even if they have previously been able to do so:
   - Instant Messages are Blocked.
   - Kid's Only age category.
   
   To access AIM, the Master Screen Name on the AOL account must go to AOL Keyword: Parental Controls and change the above settings for this Screen Name. In addition, your Screen Name must also be set to one of the following age categories: Young Teen, Mature Teen, or General (18+).



3. Users who identify themselves as a child under the age of 13 may not use this service at this time. If you are an adult and have entered your birth date incorrectly, you may use a credit card to complete our age verification process now, or anytime within 30 days of the date when you identified yourself as a child. You will not be charged for this credit card verification.
   
   Click here to sign in to our age verification form to reactivate your Screen Name.



4. An account may be terminated for violations of the terms of service.

This was never an AOL account; it was only an AIM screen name.

No parental controls were set.

The age verification system will not allow me to sign in with this account, leading me to believe that age verification is not the problem. I am quite sure I set the account up with my correct birthdate, anyhow.

That leaves only terms of service. But I read through their terms of service, and did not find any that I have violated. I use the account only for messaging a few friends. No email at all. No spamming. No questionable material. Did someone else hijack my account to do bad things? Is AOL erroneously blaming something on me? Are they suspending accounts for no reason at all?

It's just a silly IM account. I know that. But still, somehow, I feel violated.

I wrote the following in a comment on a friend's blog. As it's been on my mind, recently, though, I think it perhaps belongs here as well.

There was snow in MN when I was back last weekend. It made me so, so happy. So did all the brown. I realized that perhaps one of the reason I feel oft compelled to wear shades of brown these days is that I miss seeing it in the landscape around me each winter.

Well I had a dream I
stood beneath an orange sky

Yes, I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
with my brother standing by,
with my brother standing by.

I said, "Brother, you know, you know -
It's a long road we been walking on
yes it is, yes it is, you know
Brother it is such a long road we been walking on
Oh brother, oh brother."

And I had a dream I
stood beneath an orange sky
with my sister standing by,
with my sister standing by.

I say, "Here is what I know now, sister
here is what I know now, goes like this -
In your love
my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
in your love, in your love."

Oh, but you know, I am so weary
and you know my heart, my heart's been broken
Sometimes, sometimes my mind is too strong
to carry on

Too strong, too strong to carry on.

But when I'm alone, when I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you
that's when I miss you, you who are my home
You who are my home now.
You are my home now.

Here is what I know now brother,
here is what I know now sister - goes like this:
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love!
My salvation lies in your love
My salvation lies in your love
My salvation lies in your love
in your love, in your love, in your love.
In your love, now.

Oh, I had a dream I
stood beneath an orange sky
with my brother and my sister standing by.
My brother and my sister standing by.

- Orange Sky, by Alexi Murdoch.

Heard this on John Richard's show this morning. He made some comment about having had it played at his mother's funeral. The song resonated well with me, and also it seemed fitting with yesterday's post.

One of Alex's friends died in a plane crash on Sunday afternoon.

Alex is sad.

It makes me worry for the friends of mine who fly.

It makes me feel inadequate as a friend. I don't know what it is to have a friend die. I have not yet experienced that.

It makes me feel more mortal. What would happen to my dog if I passed on? Who would notify my family if something happened to me? Who would even know how to contact my family?

And I feel more acutely the mortality of those around me. What if this were the last time I ever spoke to he, or she, or you? How would I ever come to terms with it? We are all mortal, and the time will come when these things become a reality, no longer idle questions -- how will I hold up? Will I hold up?

Why do we live in this world, just to die? Why expend so much effort living, doing, working, buzzing about, when it all comes to nothing in the end? Why do we waste so much time on so many things that matter so little, when time is a limited commodity?

Susie's rat died the other day, also. This rat mothered the rats I had out here in Seattle last year. I was home for my brother's wedding last weekend and held the rat on Sunday afternoon. Two days ago, it was happily crawling up and down Susie's scarf, and I was petting it and playing with it. And now it is dead.

It's sad. And so much. So beyond my understanding. Life, death, time, mortality... I can't get my head around them.

According to a new study, lack of sleep messes with your hormones and may cause weight gain. Vewy, vewy intewesting.

If Susie were a princess, she would be Snow White. Which Disney Princess would I be?

. . .

I am Esmerelda!

Mysterious and passionate, I am a survivor. Even though life has swung me some difficult situations I have a strong intuition that gets me through. Also, I have the capacity to sympathize and relate to people.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

They told us tonight in class that Term 2 will be our most difficult term. This makes me nervous, especially as I've already been feeling a bit strung out. Wish me luck. And health and happiness. And maybe a Time-Turner; I could totally do with that.

Man, speaking of Time-Turners...

I miss Paul Wellstone.

Woah.

You know that thing you see on some web-forms, where you're supposed to "type the words in this box", and they're all skewed, and it's supposed to prevent spammers and bots from using the form?

Yahoo makes you do that now before forwarding an email to multiple recipients. Insane.

Here's an interesting way of looking at election results and the spread of votes across the country: Maps and cartograms of the 2004 US presidential election results.

From my brother's fiance's blog:

Wednesday, November 03, 2004
4 More Years?

---

4 more years of worrying about Leroy having to go back to Iraq (or who knows where)...
4 more years of fearing being a widow at the age of 25...
4 more years of being unemployed...
4 more years with no health insurance...
4 more years of budget cuts...
4 more years of poverty...

STUPID AMERICANS AND THEIR ONE ISSUE VOTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU TO THOSE OF YOU WHO VOTED FOR BUSH FOR CONDEMNING ME AND MY FAMILY TO ANOTHER FOUR YEARS OF HELL!!!!!!

Canada is looking mighty good right now. Or perhaps teaching over seas.

posted by Amber @ 1:29 PM

That's one way to say it.

I've not, for the most part, had to deal yet with death on a personal level. I mean, my grandfather died when I was two. I don't remember him at all. A cousin died at sixteen about four years ago, but he grew up across the country from me and I never really knew him. Recently one of my great aunts passed away, but I only have vague memories of seeing her at family reunions when I was a child. I've had a number of pets pass away, but it's not the same, you know?

That's it.

None of my friends have ever passed away. None of my daily acquaintances. All of my immediate family is healthy. My living grandfather got very sick once, but he got better. Nobody that I've ever been really close to has died.

How will I handle it when I am suddenly confronted with death?

I don't know how to deal with people I am close to when they are confronted with death. I don't know how to relate. I feel suddenly inadequate.

Can I really understand the life and death cycle on a deeper level without ever having been confronted with it?

I think I still have, to the core of my bones, some misguided feeling that I am immortal. That I always have been, just as I am now, and always will be.

Also, I think I have the same notions in relation to everyone I am close to, to family, to friends. To anyone I love. They will always be, just as they are now. I know it's irrational, but some deep part of me still feels it.

Do most people feel that way?

Some people?

Is it just me?

It's all so irrational, but so deep within me. How will I get by when I am actually faced with death, when these deeply held beliefs all crumble?

I am sad.

Now isn't that sexy?

Jon said that he'll marry me if Bush wins a second term. I'm prepared for the worst -- Canada, I've got you on my radar.

I nearly cried on the table last night.

We were doing energy work. I'm actually a bit of a skeptic when it comes to energy work; it sounds like a lot of feel-good goopy hocus pocus to me. People may break down when I massage them because their muscles can hold emotions within? We need to remember the emotional and spiritual connection when thinking about mind/body, because it's all interconnected? Maybe, but I'll withhold judgment for now. I believe in the things I can see.

So anyway, we were doing hands-on energy work. Broke up into groups of three; a counselor, a scribe, and a client. I got to be the client first.

So my upper rib muscles and the muscles over my sternum have been sore the last few weeks. I'm not sure why. I've figured it's something to do with the dancing I'm doing recently; I'm using new muscles in ways I haven't before, and they are sore as a result. The soreness is a good sign.

On a whim, when asked where my 'counselor' should do her hands-on work with me, I indicated that my upper ribs should be touched. I lay down on the table, she touched...

And man, it was emotional.

I had images of cold steel, hard, light glinting off of it. Where her hands were, all gray. The rest of my body, red, warm, but still cold where our connection was, that part of my body, her hands. The image shifted a bit to steel padlocks, a lock, locked. Her hands, the connection, felt so far away. Here I was, but that part of me was almost unreachable, was somewhere else. And I felt inexplicably sad. And I almost cried. It took a while to come down from that, even after she stopped touching me.

I don't know if there are actually emotions locked away in those muscles, or what the deal was, but it was an emotional experience. Maybe there is something to all this energy stuff, and I need to just be open to it? I don't know.

Later on, when I was 'the counselor', my client asked that I put my hands on her forehead, with my fingers cupped over her eyes. I did. She visualized this, visualized that... then asked that the pressure be a little less. I realized that I was putting some of my own energy into her, that I wasn't being really open to the messages coming from her body, wasn't listening to what was coming from her. I let up the pressure.

Momentarily, a vision come to me of her head as a glowing white-green ball of energy, much like the bauble Eilonwy carried about with her in The Black Cauldron. I listened. And she felt a difference, and her experience was deepened, improved. That she could feel a difference when all that had changed was the way that I was thinking, receiving her... I dunno. That's something, too.

Then I went dancing, and I swear, I was aware of people's energy in a way I'm usually not, and it made my dancing better.

I don't know what all this is about, or if I can be aware like that more of the time, if I can cultivate an energy awareness. Our teacher last night talked about quantum physics, how if we studied it, we would learn that we all have pockets of energy rooted in our bodies, more commonly known as auras. Magnetic fields and such. It's so outside the realm of things I know, have been taught, have believed in. But is that cause for me to cast a quick judgment and throw it all out the window?

My upper chest muscles are still sore. Not as much as they have been, but whatever's going on, physical, spiritual, emotional, whatever - it's still there.

Creepy! I browsed to The State Quiz from some girl's blog, which I had in turn browsed to off of my youngest sister's blog. It pegged this particular person as "Nebraska", her childhood home state. Then I took the quiz, and it pegged me as Minnesota, the state where I spent my childhood.

You're Minnesota!

You love hanging out around lakes, even if they're frozen solid. Given your probable Scandanavian heritage, it all just demonstrates that you're pining for the fjords. Your obsession with wrestling got a little carried away for a while there, and this should prompt some serious reflection about the separation of mind and body. It may be time to celebrate, even throw your hat up in the air. You're going to make it after all.

Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

6 questions, 64 possible outcomes, and it manages to link me to Minnesota.

Why not Guam, or Idaho, or The Moon? Crazy.