Monday, January 26, 2004

I have so much I want to get off my chest right now but nobody to really talk to.

It's tempting to blog it all -- I mean, what is this, but a conversation with myself? -- except that everything and anything that's weighing on my mind has to do with people, many of whom might read this, and it just wouldn't be right. I should be talking TO them, only I can't, and talking about them on a public forum is no substitute.

I feel isolated. There used to be several people with whom I felt very connected, who I felt I could talk to about anything -- assured that they would be supportive, non-judgemental, would really listen, would honor my trust -- but that feels broken right now with many of them. It's not that I can't talk to them at all, just -- not unabashadly, not about just anything. For at least some things, right now, the trust level is not there.

Maybe I need to take up painting or sculpting or music again. Create an outlet that's not talking, that's not bloging, but is all me. Not reliant on anyone else. Maybe I'd be happier if I figured out where I misplaced my written journal and picked that up again? I don't know.

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