Saturday, October 04, 2008
My tattoo
This picture is years old, shoulda posted it when I first got the tattoo, in...what? 2004? But I'm not sure if I ever did. It's my only tattoo, and it's my own design.
Unrequited
I have a crush on a man who is, for a number of reasons, absolutely unavailable. I really like him. And it just doesn't matter at all.
I haven't really felt this way since I was a teenager. Consumed with some feeling that I just can't find the words for, not able to really convey in a way that does it any justice. Can't find the right words, the right picture, the right anything. There's a bit of sadness to it, a bit of bitter sweet, something of an awakening, a bit of a feeling that it's good to be feeling anything at all.
It's all pushing on my chest; wrapped up in a cocoon but the cocoon is too hard, reinforced on the outside, I can't break out.
I haven't really felt this way since I was a teenager. Consumed with some feeling that I just can't find the words for, not able to really convey in a way that does it any justice. Can't find the right words, the right picture, the right anything. There's a bit of sadness to it, a bit of bitter sweet, something of an awakening, a bit of a feeling that it's good to be feeling anything at all.
It's all pushing on my chest; wrapped up in a cocoon but the cocoon is too hard, reinforced on the outside, I can't break out.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Rested
Last night, for the first time in weeks, Ravenna was able to sleep the night through, lying down, without needing me to be sitting up holding her. The cold, the sinus infection, the ear infection, the teething, all finally managable enough so that she and I could both get a night of real sleep.
It was AWESOME.
Sleep is, like, the best thing ever.
It was AWESOME.
Sleep is, like, the best thing ever.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sickness, Hers and Mine
Ravenna's still sick. Three days now with this bug...if it doesn't break tonight, we're going in to her pediatrician tomorrow.
Nearly two weeks if you count all the stuff that was going on before, the teething fevers, the ear infections...
It's pretty brutal.
She's finally sleeping for a bit.
And me? I'm doing pretty well.
A little lonely.
I've been stuck lately. Too much time alone with a sick baby, I don't know, I've been stuck obsessing about the why's and wherefore's. Why did Jaimes emotionally check out so soon after Ravenna was born? Why did it seem to him, when we hit some rough times, that the best option was just to bail out on our life? To move on to someone else? I mean...yeah, we had our problems. But all relationships have problems. Show me one that doesn't. And you work through them, don't you? Isn't there something greater, companionship, love, friendship, that makes all of that worth it? Why wasn't it worth it?
When will I start letting go of all these questions? I don't want to carry them around with me indefinately. There aren't really any good answers. It's not helping me to have them on my mind. It's not helping anyone.
Ravenna will be better soon enough. And I'll be out and about in the world again.
Maybe that's all that I need, maybe this obsessing is my own sort of sickness, and when Ravenna breaks free from hers I'll break free from mine. Let's hope.
Nearly two weeks if you count all the stuff that was going on before, the teething fevers, the ear infections...
It's pretty brutal.
She's finally sleeping for a bit.
And me? I'm doing pretty well.
A little lonely.
I've been stuck lately. Too much time alone with a sick baby, I don't know, I've been stuck obsessing about the why's and wherefore's. Why did Jaimes emotionally check out so soon after Ravenna was born? Why did it seem to him, when we hit some rough times, that the best option was just to bail out on our life? To move on to someone else? I mean...yeah, we had our problems. But all relationships have problems. Show me one that doesn't. And you work through them, don't you? Isn't there something greater, companionship, love, friendship, that makes all of that worth it? Why wasn't it worth it?
When will I start letting go of all these questions? I don't want to carry them around with me indefinately. There aren't really any good answers. It's not helping me to have them on my mind. It's not helping anyone.
Ravenna will be better soon enough. And I'll be out and about in the world again.
Maybe that's all that I need, maybe this obsessing is my own sort of sickness, and when Ravenna breaks free from hers I'll break free from mine. Let's hope.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Worries
Ravenna has been pretty sick for about a week. First there was this cold that started around Thanksgiving...it got better, but she just never totally cleared it.
Then there's teething; she's working on a couple molars and eye teeth all at once.
She's had this on and off high temperature, likely from the teething.
Then, maybe about this weekend, an ear infection kicked in on top of everything.
We went to the pediatrician yesterday and we're working on treating the runny nose and the ear infection. All good and well. But then she got worse again last night, with a temp of 104.1 °F all morning. I talked to the pediatrician again this morning and am giving her something else now to help bring down the fever, so now it's at 102.7 °F. Not as scary, but still worrisome.
She's been so groggy, not herself, wanting to be held all the time, nursed constantly...I'm worried for her. It's a heavy feeling.
Then there's teething; she's working on a couple molars and eye teeth all at once.
She's had this on and off high temperature, likely from the teething.
Then, maybe about this weekend, an ear infection kicked in on top of everything.
We went to the pediatrician yesterday and we're working on treating the runny nose and the ear infection. All good and well. But then she got worse again last night, with a temp of 104.1 °F all morning. I talked to the pediatrician again this morning and am giving her something else now to help bring down the fever, so now it's at 102.7 °F. Not as scary, but still worrisome.
She's been so groggy, not herself, wanting to be held all the time, nursed constantly...I'm worried for her. It's a heavy feeling.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Doh!
In a fit of stupidity, I managed to delete all the playlists that I have created over the last several years I've been DJing.
And by "delete", I don't mean they're sitting in the recycle bin...they're gone, gone, gone.
I meant to just clean up space.
And something went wrong while I was cleaning, so I wanted iTunes to resynchronize itself. So I deleted the files I thought would force that to happen.
Well, it does need to resynchronize.
Because it's entire library database is GONE.
So are all its library database backups.
Doh.
On the bright side, I found a disc backup I made in June 2006.
On the dim side, that's still nearly a year and a half of playlists that I'll never get back again. Including every event I've ever DJed with Ravenna.
Bugger.
And by "delete", I don't mean they're sitting in the recycle bin...they're gone, gone, gone.
I meant to just clean up space.
And something went wrong while I was cleaning, so I wanted iTunes to resynchronize itself. So I deleted the files I thought would force that to happen.
Well, it does need to resynchronize.
Because it's entire library database is GONE.
So are all its library database backups.
Doh.
On the bright side, I found a disc backup I made in June 2006.
On the dim side, that's still nearly a year and a half of playlists that I'll never get back again. Including every event I've ever DJed with Ravenna.
Bugger.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Long Overdue
I'm finally starting to come back into my own body.
I left Ravenna in the care of my housemates after I put her to bed tonight, then threw on some clothes that only just recently have started to fit well again, brushed out my hair, and went out dancing for a few hours.
It felt SO good.
So, amazingly good.
I'm still floating on air!
There must have been 8-10 people who came up to me tonight and commented on my appearance or my demeanor, who said that they hadn't recognized me from behind. Several of these people were folk who have only met me since my pregnancy, so they never knew me before I went through that great transformation.
I have missed my body.
I have missed dancing, really dancing, without worry, with some level of control over my trunk and limbs.
I've still got a ways to go before I'm completely back, but I'm on the road now, and it feels great.
I left Ravenna in the care of my housemates after I put her to bed tonight, then threw on some clothes that only just recently have started to fit well again, brushed out my hair, and went out dancing for a few hours.
It felt SO good.
So, amazingly good.
I'm still floating on air!
There must have been 8-10 people who came up to me tonight and commented on my appearance or my demeanor, who said that they hadn't recognized me from behind. Several of these people were folk who have only met me since my pregnancy, so they never knew me before I went through that great transformation.
I have missed my body.
I have missed dancing, really dancing, without worry, with some level of control over my trunk and limbs.
I've still got a ways to go before I'm completely back, but I'm on the road now, and it feels great.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
More of the Same (long and self-pitying, reader beware)
Jaimes says some of the most hurtful things imaginable.
I mean...I guess there are always worse, more hurtful things that could be said. But he says things to me that cause me a great deal of pain.
We got in a fight the other night. Really, about stupid things. I was tired, it was the end of a day that had been terribly stressful, I was not at my best, and he wasn't at his best either. He stormed off.
I called him a few minutes later, and he answered the phone, "It better be important," in a sharp tone of voice. I was stunned and didn't know quite how to respond, so I didn't speak right away...and then he hung up on me.
I messaged him a while later to say that I didn't want to see him for a while, that he doesn't have to live with me, he doesn't have to love me, he doesn't even have to like me...but at a bare minimum, he should be able to treat me with some courtesy and civility. I did say in the message that, while I don't care to spend time with him at the moment, I don't want to keep him from Ravenna, and if he wanted to see her he should let me know and we would arrange details.
Two days passed without a word from him.
Today, I called to ask if and when he wants to see Ravenna, and he took it as an opportunity to get into it about the other night. As he sees it, I am entirely in the wrong, and my message was totally unwarranted. It is perfectly civil for him to answer the phone however he chooses, and to hang up on me if he feels the conversation is not worth his time, and it's unreasonable of me to ask anything else of him. My problem is that I think he and I are equals - and we are not. I need to pay attention, I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have tried to manipulate him with my silence, I shouldn't have been upset when he hung up and should have expected it, and I shouldn't have sent him such rude, manipulative messages. He hardly let me get a word in edgewise as he expounded on all of these things, and ignored repeated requests to drop the stuff between us and to focus on if and when he'd like to see Ravenna, and on arranging the visit.
Early on in the conversation, I tried to communicate to him that I don't want him to hang up on me when we speak...if he doesn't want to talk to me when I call, let it go to voicemail. I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but he was completely closed off to it, just continued talking over me, interrupting me, telling me how I need to pay attention, understand that he is right, listen, I don't know...it went on and on, I had trouble even keeping track of everything.
Since he was not open to my request about refraining from hanging up on me when we speak, I eventually shifted to asking him to please understand that if he is unwilling alter his behavior in any way, he needs to understand that calling him will not feel safe to me, and I will be less inclined to call, especially when I am tired, stressed out, or already not at my best for some other reason. He didn't take this as well, accusing me of trying to manipulate him, telling me that I need to go to 4 years of counseling, I need to learn to pay attention, that nothing he did or does is unreasonable, that I need to learn the lessons he's trying to teach me, etc.
At some point, Ravenna was crying in the background, and I asked him, "Do you hear Ravenna crying? I can't continue this right now." He hung up on me.
I called back after I had resolved the situation with Ravenna, and he said, "It better be important," very curtly.
I said, "What, are you still trying to teach me some lesson?" We got back into it, the conversation (was it even that?) about the same as before. He told me several times that he was tired of repeating himself, I was boring him. And he finally said that he does want to see Ravenna, that he gets back from Pittsburg on Tuesday (I didn't even know until this moment that he was going out of town), and that he would call me then. Then more of the same. Why can't I just listen? I'm so stupid, boring, I need to learn to pay attention... he was so condescending. And apparently offended that I would presume to think that he didn't understand exactly how I felt. I told him that he is very smart, intelligent, and aware, and probably is aware of the effect that his actions have...perhaps he does not like that I am still so emotionally attached to him, and his actions were intended to sever some of those bonds. He flared up at that and said that I was trying to manipulate him by making him feel guilty. And then, at some point, he said that I have never loved him. That I don't even know what love is, I only want something from him, I only manipulate him...going on, and on...bitter, biting, accusing.
This really, really hurt. I couldn't help myself, I started crying. "I love you, I LOVE you," I said. "How can you say something like that? Do you really mean it?" He talked around my question, maybe said something like, "Would I say it if I didn't mean it?"
After a little bit more of that, I told him I just needed to ask him one more thing, and then I would let him go. He finally gave me a little space to speak, and I asked, "Do you honestly mean everything you have been saying to me, or are you letting anger and frustration color your words?" Again, he didn't answer my question, just talked around it...asked me if I thought he would say something he didn't mean, or something to that effect.
That was it. I kept to what I had said, told him I'd talk to him when he called on Tuesday, and said goodbye.
And then I carried Ravenna inside, told her I was very sad, we laid down on the bed together, and she let me hold her while I cried.
Why does he say things like that?
Even when you're fighting, why would you say something like that to someone you care about?
Does he really believe it? Or was he just saying it because he knew it would hurt me? If he believes it, does that mean that I've wasted these last several years of my life, putting my energy into loving him?
I don't like being hurt this way. I hate it. I hate fighting. I hate getting so emotional. And I hate that he says these things. Whether he means them or not, they are terrible things to say.
All this, and I hardly even see him any more. We don't live together. At most, I see him for an hour or two every day or every few days, so that he can spend time with Ravenna, and sometimes not even that. And still...he has so much power to hurt me. He oscillates from being very loving, sometimes for quite a long time, to suddenly being very hurtful. It's circular; I'm hurt, so I pull away, and then he's very sweet and loving, so I am drawn back in, only so that he can ultimately hurt me again.
I can pull myself further away again now, that's all fine and good, but when will I finally learn to stop letting myself be pulled back in?
I mean...I guess there are always worse, more hurtful things that could be said. But he says things to me that cause me a great deal of pain.
We got in a fight the other night. Really, about stupid things. I was tired, it was the end of a day that had been terribly stressful, I was not at my best, and he wasn't at his best either. He stormed off.
I called him a few minutes later, and he answered the phone, "It better be important," in a sharp tone of voice. I was stunned and didn't know quite how to respond, so I didn't speak right away...and then he hung up on me.
I messaged him a while later to say that I didn't want to see him for a while, that he doesn't have to live with me, he doesn't have to love me, he doesn't even have to like me...but at a bare minimum, he should be able to treat me with some courtesy and civility. I did say in the message that, while I don't care to spend time with him at the moment, I don't want to keep him from Ravenna, and if he wanted to see her he should let me know and we would arrange details.
Two days passed without a word from him.
Today, I called to ask if and when he wants to see Ravenna, and he took it as an opportunity to get into it about the other night. As he sees it, I am entirely in the wrong, and my message was totally unwarranted. It is perfectly civil for him to answer the phone however he chooses, and to hang up on me if he feels the conversation is not worth his time, and it's unreasonable of me to ask anything else of him. My problem is that I think he and I are equals - and we are not. I need to pay attention, I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have tried to manipulate him with my silence, I shouldn't have been upset when he hung up and should have expected it, and I shouldn't have sent him such rude, manipulative messages. He hardly let me get a word in edgewise as he expounded on all of these things, and ignored repeated requests to drop the stuff between us and to focus on if and when he'd like to see Ravenna, and on arranging the visit.
Early on in the conversation, I tried to communicate to him that I don't want him to hang up on me when we speak...if he doesn't want to talk to me when I call, let it go to voicemail. I don't think it's an unreasonable request, but he was completely closed off to it, just continued talking over me, interrupting me, telling me how I need to pay attention, understand that he is right, listen, I don't know...it went on and on, I had trouble even keeping track of everything.
Since he was not open to my request about refraining from hanging up on me when we speak, I eventually shifted to asking him to please understand that if he is unwilling alter his behavior in any way, he needs to understand that calling him will not feel safe to me, and I will be less inclined to call, especially when I am tired, stressed out, or already not at my best for some other reason. He didn't take this as well, accusing me of trying to manipulate him, telling me that I need to go to 4 years of counseling, I need to learn to pay attention, that nothing he did or does is unreasonable, that I need to learn the lessons he's trying to teach me, etc.
At some point, Ravenna was crying in the background, and I asked him, "Do you hear Ravenna crying? I can't continue this right now." He hung up on me.
I called back after I had resolved the situation with Ravenna, and he said, "It better be important," very curtly.
I said, "What, are you still trying to teach me some lesson?" We got back into it, the conversation (was it even that?) about the same as before. He told me several times that he was tired of repeating himself, I was boring him. And he finally said that he does want to see Ravenna, that he gets back from Pittsburg on Tuesday (I didn't even know until this moment that he was going out of town), and that he would call me then. Then more of the same. Why can't I just listen? I'm so stupid, boring, I need to learn to pay attention... he was so condescending. And apparently offended that I would presume to think that he didn't understand exactly how I felt. I told him that he is very smart, intelligent, and aware, and probably is aware of the effect that his actions have...perhaps he does not like that I am still so emotionally attached to him, and his actions were intended to sever some of those bonds. He flared up at that and said that I was trying to manipulate him by making him feel guilty. And then, at some point, he said that I have never loved him. That I don't even know what love is, I only want something from him, I only manipulate him...going on, and on...bitter, biting, accusing.
This really, really hurt. I couldn't help myself, I started crying. "I love you, I LOVE you," I said. "How can you say something like that? Do you really mean it?" He talked around my question, maybe said something like, "Would I say it if I didn't mean it?"
After a little bit more of that, I told him I just needed to ask him one more thing, and then I would let him go. He finally gave me a little space to speak, and I asked, "Do you honestly mean everything you have been saying to me, or are you letting anger and frustration color your words?" Again, he didn't answer my question, just talked around it...asked me if I thought he would say something he didn't mean, or something to that effect.
That was it. I kept to what I had said, told him I'd talk to him when he called on Tuesday, and said goodbye.
And then I carried Ravenna inside, told her I was very sad, we laid down on the bed together, and she let me hold her while I cried.
Why does he say things like that?
Even when you're fighting, why would you say something like that to someone you care about?
Does he really believe it? Or was he just saying it because he knew it would hurt me? If he believes it, does that mean that I've wasted these last several years of my life, putting my energy into loving him?
I don't like being hurt this way. I hate it. I hate fighting. I hate getting so emotional. And I hate that he says these things. Whether he means them or not, they are terrible things to say.
All this, and I hardly even see him any more. We don't live together. At most, I see him for an hour or two every day or every few days, so that he can spend time with Ravenna, and sometimes not even that. And still...he has so much power to hurt me. He oscillates from being very loving, sometimes for quite a long time, to suddenly being very hurtful. It's circular; I'm hurt, so I pull away, and then he's very sweet and loving, so I am drawn back in, only so that he can ultimately hurt me again.
I can pull myself further away again now, that's all fine and good, but when will I finally learn to stop letting myself be pulled back in?
Friday, November 02, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Melts in Your Mouth...
I realized after I posted yesterday that I can be thankful, at least, that she did not realize that she could eat the sugar. That would have been a whole 'nother world of trouble.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sticky Fingers
I seriously need a maid or something. I can hardly keep up with my house as it is...I'm not managing to get unpacked at all.
Now there's sugar stuck to everything.
I've got this little thing a friend loaned me. She called it a "sensory station". Basically, it's a little table with raised edges that comes a foot or so off the ground, perfect height for Ravenna, and you put stuff in for her to feel and mess around with.
Somehow I had the bright idea this morning to put sugar in it for her -- which was AWESOME -- until she dumped it everywhere, and got it stuck to her hands, and her clothes, and ran around touching everything.
Now the floor, everywhere, not just at the station, is sticky. And the bed is sticky. And...well...generally, everything, is sticky.
I'm cleaning the sugar out tonight while she sleeps. Tomorrow it will be wood shavings, or oats, or something.
Now there's sugar stuck to everything.
I've got this little thing a friend loaned me. She called it a "sensory station". Basically, it's a little table with raised edges that comes a foot or so off the ground, perfect height for Ravenna, and you put stuff in for her to feel and mess around with.
Somehow I had the bright idea this morning to put sugar in it for her -- which was AWESOME -- until she dumped it everywhere, and got it stuck to her hands, and her clothes, and ran around touching everything.
Now the floor, everywhere, not just at the station, is sticky. And the bed is sticky. And...well...generally, everything, is sticky.
I'm cleaning the sugar out tonight while she sleeps. Tomorrow it will be wood shavings, or oats, or something.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Botched Rescue
I just rescued a spider.
I've recently moved, and much of my stuff is still in boxes. Part way through moving, I ran out of packing tape, so I started using duct tape for some of the boxes. It works just as well, although it doesn't always seem to hold to the cardboard quite as well, so sometimes you get corners of it peeling off and hanging down.
Anyways, I was working around some of the boxes tonight and noticed a spider stuck to some duct tape that had been coming off one of them. Further inspection revealed that he was still living, but was quite stuck and incapable of freeing himself.
My first instinct was to leave him. But after a short while I had a change of heart and set about trying to rescue him. I found myself a dull paring knife and talked him through what we were doing as I gently, gently worked his legs away from the tape. His first inclination upon having a leg freed was to grab onto whatever he could with it...which was often the same bit of tape I had just freed it from. After a time, I got him to start clinging to an envelope with the legs I freed, rather than sticking them back on the tape. And after a bit more, he was entirely on the envelope. But somewhere in that struggle something went wrong, and a single leg remained stuck to the tape. Sans spider. And spider, sans leg.
He limped around the envelope, seemingly glad to be freed, but confused and lame.
I apologized for the leg.
Then I took him outside near some bushes, overturned a shallow box to provide him some cover if needed, and released him. I don't know how he'll do, injured as he is.
Was he better off stuck to the tape, dying slowly of starvation?
Or freed in his mangled state?
I'm not really sure.
I've recently moved, and much of my stuff is still in boxes. Part way through moving, I ran out of packing tape, so I started using duct tape for some of the boxes. It works just as well, although it doesn't always seem to hold to the cardboard quite as well, so sometimes you get corners of it peeling off and hanging down.
Anyways, I was working around some of the boxes tonight and noticed a spider stuck to some duct tape that had been coming off one of them. Further inspection revealed that he was still living, but was quite stuck and incapable of freeing himself.
My first instinct was to leave him. But after a short while I had a change of heart and set about trying to rescue him. I found myself a dull paring knife and talked him through what we were doing as I gently, gently worked his legs away from the tape. His first inclination upon having a leg freed was to grab onto whatever he could with it...which was often the same bit of tape I had just freed it from. After a time, I got him to start clinging to an envelope with the legs I freed, rather than sticking them back on the tape. And after a bit more, he was entirely on the envelope. But somewhere in that struggle something went wrong, and a single leg remained stuck to the tape. Sans spider. And spider, sans leg.
He limped around the envelope, seemingly glad to be freed, but confused and lame.
I apologized for the leg.
Then I took him outside near some bushes, overturned a shallow box to provide him some cover if needed, and released him. I don't know how he'll do, injured as he is.
Was he better off stuck to the tape, dying slowly of starvation?
Or freed in his mangled state?
I'm not really sure.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Detroit, MI...Almost a Foreign Country
I saw this on the FaceBook news feed today, and thought it was pretty funny:
Detroit, MI??
How did that get up there with the likes of Mexico and India?
Here are some of the largest regional networks on Facebook.
• Mexico
• Germany
• Sweden
• India
• Detroit, MI
Detroit, MI??
How did that get up there with the likes of Mexico and India?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Look look look!
Look at what I made! It is a map! Showing where I live, and where to park when you come visit me!: Kat's Map
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Times, They are A-Changin'
Tonight is my first night in the new place. It feels...good. I lie in my bed and these large windows surround, and out the windows, trees, trees, nothing else. It's like my little retreat. Only, it is my home.
The energy is so fresh. Nobody has lived in these rooms for a long time. They do not resonate with anyone's energy strongly, they are open to me. To being mine.
Most importantly, for me, right now, there is nothing of Jaimes. I stopped today at the old place to pick some things up (my first time there since I've gotten back to Seattle), and Jaimes was not even there, he is out of town for the weekend, but his energy was resonating so strongly all around the place. Just being in and out, no more than half an hour there, affected me tremendously. It took several hours after I left for my emotions to come to equilibrium again.
I feel more and more strongly that it was right for me to leave, to let him stay, because now i can become more myself again. There is nothing containing me, holding me in.
The energy is so fresh. Nobody has lived in these rooms for a long time. They do not resonate with anyone's energy strongly, they are open to me. To being mine.
Most importantly, for me, right now, there is nothing of Jaimes. I stopped today at the old place to pick some things up (my first time there since I've gotten back to Seattle), and Jaimes was not even there, he is out of town for the weekend, but his energy was resonating so strongly all around the place. Just being in and out, no more than half an hour there, affected me tremendously. It took several hours after I left for my emotions to come to equilibrium again.
I feel more and more strongly that it was right for me to leave, to let him stay, because now i can become more myself again. There is nothing containing me, holding me in.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Short Rant
I am using a PC running Windows XP at my parent's house right now, and I am surprised and disappointed at how poorly the pictures I put on this page display, both in Firefox and in Internet Explorer. So dark and difficult to see. They don't look anything like they do on my PowerBook! I wonder if it's the settings on this machine, or if they display so poorly on all PCs.
Quick Update
I am in the midwest right now, have been since September 13th, and will be until October 12th. Ravenna and I have been having a great time! We've been bouncing around from Minneapolis, MN, to Rochester, MN, to Madison, WI, to Ann Arbor, MI, to Holland, MI, and this weekend we hit Cedar Rapids, IA, and Burlington, IA. We've ridden planes, trains, and automobiles. (The train has been our best ride so far...I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable it was. Next time I travel out here I'm going to consider taking the train all the way, instead of flying.) I've been catching up with all sorts of relatives and friends, some of whom I hadn't seen for a decade or more. It's been such a luxury, having so much time, and no weddings or funerals or other such events keeping me busy; I've been able to do so much more this trip than I've managed in years.
And yet, even with a full month, at the end of our time out here there will still be people I would like to have seen and things I would like to have done that there just won't be enough time for. There's not enough time in a day, not enough days in a week, not enough weeks in a month...not just on this trip, but generally. It all flies by so quickly. I keep lists in my head of things I'd like to do, projects I'd like to complete, people I'd like to catch up with, and I'm always doing something, working somehow toward checking one of the items off, but the lists get longer and more varied. I guess it's a good thing. I know some people who spend so much time idling, feeling bored, restless...I don't remember the last time I felt bored.
But I do wish I had 10 more hours in a day. Or maybe 5. At least 2. Couldn't we all use 2 more hours every day?
Even with these short days, though, it's been a great trip. So much quality time with so many great people! And then in my free time I've gotten my finances organized, and I've been expanding my knitting skills, working on a sweater, I've done a good bit of reading, and I've settled on a cooperative preschool in Seattle that Ravenna and I will try out when we get back. Productive days.
I wish the end of the trip weren't approaching so quickly, although I am looking forward to unpacking and settling into the new place when I get back.
And yet, even with a full month, at the end of our time out here there will still be people I would like to have seen and things I would like to have done that there just won't be enough time for. There's not enough time in a day, not enough days in a week, not enough weeks in a month...not just on this trip, but generally. It all flies by so quickly. I keep lists in my head of things I'd like to do, projects I'd like to complete, people I'd like to catch up with, and I'm always doing something, working somehow toward checking one of the items off, but the lists get longer and more varied. I guess it's a good thing. I know some people who spend so much time idling, feeling bored, restless...I don't remember the last time I felt bored.
But I do wish I had 10 more hours in a day. Or maybe 5. At least 2. Couldn't we all use 2 more hours every day?
Even with these short days, though, it's been a great trip. So much quality time with so many great people! And then in my free time I've gotten my finances organized, and I've been expanding my knitting skills, working on a sweater, I've done a good bit of reading, and I've settled on a cooperative preschool in Seattle that Ravenna and I will try out when we get back. Productive days.
I wish the end of the trip weren't approaching so quickly, although I am looking forward to unpacking and settling into the new place when I get back.
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