What I want, what drives me, changes incredibly from day to day. Changes even minute to minute.
Things that seemed extraordinarily important just a month ago seem to hardly matter now.
Things that seemed wrong a week ago seem now as if they might be okay.
Things that seemed right just a few days ago now cause me second thoughts.
I feel like I hardly know myself. Because my feelings are not consistent and because I am overly prone to act on feelings, I never know quite how I'll act. I don't know what choices I'll make. I might swear myself to some course of action, but half an hour later I'll suddenly about-face and do the opposite. And somehow, so often when this happens, I feel surprised. Surprised! - at my own chosen course of action!
Why do I do that?
Do I not know what I want? Does this happen because I am living in some weird sort of denial? Do I want things that I feel I should not want, so I then waffle back and forth? Am I just flakey?
I feel like I can't trust myself. If I can't trust myself, how can anyone else trust me?
So many questions. Perhaps with more thought I'll have some sort of insight. Currently, though, I am lost as to why I'm so all over the map lately.