Wednesday, December 31, 2003

As much as I write on here and as much as I blather on in person, I am insecure about my ability to express myself adequately via the English language.

Give me a canvas and some paints, or maybe a block of clay, and I'll happily create something that I feel suitably represents my thoughts or feelings. These are mediums in which I feel comfortable.

Words, though, leave too much room for imprecision. People can read so much into words that isn't meant, and they can miss so much even when the point has been said. I feel, with spoken or written language, like I'm wielding a sword that weighs twice as much as I do -- there is just no way for me to wield it effectively.

I am not able to be precise. The best words to capture a thought or the best way for structuring that thought often evade me.

Because I lack precision, I am not able to speak concisely. For fear that I'll leave out an idea or be misunderstood because I chose the wrong words or phrased them poorly, I instead swamp the recipient with more words than are necessary. I talk on and on. I fling adjectives here and there, hoping that one will be "the right one" and that my listener will catch my meaning. I fear that instead, this tactic often results in overloading them so that they tune out much of what I say.

I admire people who regularly manipulate language with precision -- who say what they mean, mean what they say, and convey their meaning such that it cannot be misunderstood. I almost idolize them. It's a skill that, more than anything, I wish I embodied.

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